By Meredith Mani
Co-VP of External Communications
The first thing our family does when we move to a new city is to search for good Indian restaurants. Whether in New York, Washington, D.C., Bangalore or Amsterdam, good Indian food is what has bonded and sustained us over the years. When I married an Indian man 20 years ago, I knew I'd better learn to make the food of his homeland.
Knowing how to cook Indian food makes me a pretty harsh critic of restaurant food. Four restaurants in Amsterdam have become favorites. Three are sit-down restaurants that are perfect for a date night or a meal with friends. The fourth is street food served in a vibrant, casual environment.
Van Woustraat 212, 1073 NA Amsterdam
Tulsi has great service that starts with red ropes outside the door and continues to the tables with attentive waiters. They have vegetarian and non-vegetarian offerings and even a children's menu with butter chicken (which is what all kids want at an Indian restaurant). Pani Puri is a family favorite dish, and Tulsi’s version does not disappoint. It is a crispy shell stuffed with potatoes and mild spices that you dip in flavored water. My description doesn't do it justice. It's addictive. Tulsi has super tandoori offerings and executes them well. The portions aren't huge but you'll leave satisfied if you share a dish or two with your table mates. For something different, try Bharta, Tulsi's smokey, slightly spicy roasted eggplant dish.
Van Woustraat 240, 1073 NC Amsterdam
Tulsi and Pind Punjabi are just steps from each other on van Woustraat. Both restaurants are delicious but offer different takes on familiar dishes.
Pind Punjabi has several dishes that will be familiar, but it sets itself apart by offering a few extra items that will surprise you. They have a dazzling array of lamb and fish entrees. Where most restaurants offer one or two biryanis, Pind Punjabi has four. The Persian Biryani is especially memorable. While Butter Chicken is their signature dish, they offer a few chicken entrees that are hard to find. Chicken Kashmiri is slightly sweet with an undercurrent of aromatic spices. Paired with hot and spicy Chicken Madras, the combination plays nicely off each other.
Leidsedsedwarsstraat 203, 1017 RB Amsterdam
I love the vibe of Mayur with its tiny matchbox Hindu gods decorating the walls. Fun fact: you can buy one if you really like them. This place is always busy and for good reason — the food and service are consistently good. Mayur's highlight is the fun tasting menu. You can try small servings of several dishes and has both vegetarian and non-vegetarian options. The food comes on one big plate with small bowls of each item placed around the rim. The classic curries here are all wildly rich and hearty. Grab a few friends and treat yourself to a meal at Mayur if you haven't been.
Indian Street Food & Co.
Karel Doormanweg 12, 1181 WE Amstelveen
Indian Street Food is a fairly well-guarded secret in the Indian community. Since opening last year, Indians from all over The Netherlands pack the restaurant on weekends to eat this truly authentic homey food. Plan to grab a bench in this brightly colored cafe and eat your way through the menu. It's that good and unique. They offer four types of food: Roadside curries, Bombay Brasserie, Desi Chinese and Street drinks. Indian Street Food serves some of the best Pani Puri. I could eat three plates. Try the Railway Bhel Puri for an authentic snack rarely found outside of India. Gobhi Manchurian, a dish on the Desi Chinese menu, is cauliflower fried in chickpea batter and tossed in a mildly spicy sauce. You could argue that it's good for you. Indian Street Food is so busy they don't take reservations or orders over the phone. That's okay though because experiencing the chaos there makes it feel a lot like being in India without the expense of flying.
AWCA members are an adventurous bunch! Many of us are frequent and enthusiastic travelers, so this new series aims to share travel tips each month. Each recommendation below comes from the real-life experiences of people you know and trust. Do you have suggestions for our members? Please fill out our short survey.
This month's destination is Berlin!
- Soho House, Das Stue
- Hotel Bristol Berlin. Great hotel and good service. *(we were lucky to have been upgraded to the presidential suite and annexes). Breakfast in their grand café is busy but good, and the terrace is like a Parisian terrace, perfect for late afternoon drinks in the sun.
- Ristorante Nuovo Mario in Charlottenburg am Kurfürstendamm. White tablecloths, fresh vegetable decorations, great wines, best food, good authentic Italian service.
- Sets. Breakfast & brunch, healthy and other options
- Big Bascha. Best & most affordable Lebanese food. Cash only. Outside terrace, free tea.
- Hop on Hop Off Bus
- Fat Tire Bike Tour
- The East Side Gallery of the Wall
- The Story of Berlin Bunker
- The Sanssouci gardens and palace (Potsdam)
- The Stasi Museum
- The Tiergarten is beautiful and a great way to spend some time outdoors. The Rose Garden is lovely.
- Book the Berlin Reichstag and Dome the moment you know your dates.
- Use the public transportation.
- Seconded! Use the subway and public transportation, you’ll see more. (Taxi’s are cheap.)
- Skip the Checkpoint Charlie Museum
- Always pay in local currency (when offered the choice to choose your own with card), stores otherwise have the ultimate freedom to apply their own (higher) exchange rates.
Do you have tips you'd like to add? In our member's only Facebook group, there's a lively conversation!
Next month we'll be sharing tips for Rotterdam! Please help fellow AWCAers by sharing your experiences in our our very short survey.
AWCA members are an adventurous bunch! Many of us are frequent and enthusiastic travelers, so this new series aims to share travel tips each month. Each recommendation below comes from the real-life experiences of people you know and trust. Do you have suggestions for our members? Please fill out our short survey.
This month's destination is London!
"When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life." — Samuel Johnson
You can find so many lists of recommendations for what to see and do in London — the options are endless, and the information can be overwhelming. Here are just a few tips from your fellow members on how to make the most of your next visit. Cheers!
- The Montague on the Gardens - a very nice hotel, great for special occasions. It's right by the British Museum. https://www.montaguehotel.com
- Harlingford Hotel - Also by the British Museum, but less expensive/fewer stars. Perfectly pleasant. http://www.harlingfordhotel.com/
- The Grosvenor Hotel - nice place, good breakfast buffet, *very* close to the Hamilton theater 🙂 https://www.guoman.com/en/london/the-grosvenor.html
- Hotel Cafe Royal - sounds like a cafe but it was a beautiful hotel and it's a sister hotel to the Conservatorium. Very beautiful and has a spa. There is a famous tea room with a traditional English tea.
- Chesterfield Mayfair - Very convenient location walking distance to Westminster Abbey, Big Ben, The Eye and the South Bank.
- You can't go wrong with any of Ottolenghi's restaurants. I've been to two: The Notting Hill location is quite small so great for takeaway salads and pastries, but the Islington location is more suitable for dinner.
- Borough Market has endless stands and restaurants.
- Vegan/vegetarian friendly list I've put together: https://drive.google.com/open?id=1ZHXoGo9dRB94n3FlOEbwSUtKkACkBSPp&usp=sharing
- We particularly love Tibbit's, which is a buffet style, vegan/vegetarian restaurant with excellent food and drinks. It's open all day, so if you're hangry at a weird time, they will probably be able to feed you! https://www.tibits.co.uk/en/
- Cocotte https://www.mycocotte.uk
- There are several locations, but we went here: https://bananatree.co.uk/maida-vale/
- Have brunch on a Sunday morning and then walk around the organic open air market: https://www.lafromagerie.co.uk/marylebonew1/
- Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese, a favorite pub of Charles Dickens and Mark Twain
- Afternoon Tea at the Orangerie in Kensington Gardens
- balabaya.co.uk is tucked away near Southwark Station, worth seeking out. Ottelenghi influence.
- Arabica Bar & Kitchen in Borough Market. +442030115151 Middle Eastern, baklava to die for!
- Tapas Mariterra, family run and authentic. 14 Gambia St. SE1 0XS +442079287628 Don’t be put off by the cafe appearance.
- www.oystershed.co.uk on the Thames bang in the financial city.
- Hawksmoor - turns out there are a few of these restaurants but don't worry, it's not a chain atmosphere. Food was delicious. Go for the steak -which sometimes in the Netherlands, good steak is hard to find. The mac n cheese and a yorkshire pudding. Also the caesar salad - haven't had a good one since California but this one was remarkable!
- Eat authentic Chinese food at Lin’s, 134 Southwark St SE10SW, it looks like a cafe but is always filled with Asian business people looking for a taste of home.
- London Eye is great, as long as the weather is decent so you can appreciate the view.
- Tower of London is quite interesting.
- The Roman Temple of Mithras is an archaeological site made into a tiny, free museum.
- Hampstead Heath park has beautiful walking paths and a great view of the city.
- The ceremony of the keys: You need to book well in advance: https://www.hrp.org.uk/tower-of-london/whats-on/ceremony-of-the-keys/#gs.bl8scu
- Visit bookstores: Daunt's https://www.dauntbooks.co.uk/
- Artsy movies: https://www.everymancinema.com/ or https://www.picturehouses.com/cinemas
- Victoria and Albert Museum, look at what is on for the special exhibits.
- Tate Modern
- While in the neighborhood of the above places visit the Tate Modern, walk along the river and see the Globe. Maybe you’ll even find the original location of the original one that was moved! Walk across the Millennium Bridge and admire the art painted on discarded chewing gum on the floor.
- Portobello Road Saturday flea market and wandering through the Notting Hill neighborhood
- Spitalfields Market in East London
- Shopping at the food and home sections of Fortnum & Mason
- Explore Lower Marsh, just outside Waterloo Station. Weekdays lunchtime lots of food stalls.Small Independent shops.
- Seek out The Arches, Isabella Street. South Bank. SE1 8DD, a few restaurants tucked away. Nice Turkish food at Ev. Also a Thai restaurant here. Very hidden.
- Take a tour via uk.funzing.com called Southwark’s Saucy Secrets and discover where ladies of ill repute are buried plus lots more!
- If you watch the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace, you will see something from any vantage point but you will not see the guards, except for the tops of their heads unless you are up close at the gate of Buckingham Palace. We could only see the top of the guards' fuzzy hats from where we were standing.
- Windsor Castle
- Westminster Abbey - book in advance
- Kensington Palace
- Hyde Park
- Afternoon Tea At Fortnum and Mason
- Churchill’s War Rooms
- Bring good walking shoes! The tube is great, but so is soaking in the sights.
- The CityMapper app (which is great for getting around Amsterdam!) includes London and works very well
- If you can, avoid Heathrow. It's huge and a huge pain.
- Second this! City and Gatwick are much smaller and easier to fly in/out.
- You can now use your PIN pass/smart card for public transportation instead of buying and topping up an OYSTER card.
Do you have tips you'd like to add? In our member's only Facebook group, there's a lively conversation!
When Tulip Talk returns in September, we'll be sharing tips for Berlin! Please help fellow AWCAers by sharing your experiences in our our very short survey.
AWCA members are an adventurous bunch! Many of us are frequent and enthusiastic travelers, so this new series aims to share travel tips each month. Each recommendation below comes from the real-life experiences of people you know and trust. Do you have suggestions for our members? Please fill out our short survey.
This month's destination is Maastricht!
Maastricht is about as far as you can get while still in the Netherlands -- and it feels completely different than Amsterdam. Instead of canals there are man-made caves and even hills. You'll hear more French and German. And there are cute restaurants everywhere you turn. It's the perfect weekend getaway.
- Kruisherenhotel - 3 recommendations, including one from Rhonda Jimenez. One member said, "We stayed a couple of nights at the Kruisherenhotel in Maastricht and loved it. It is an old monastery which has been converted to a hotel and inside is a mixture of the old architecture with modern elements. It is extremely convenient (very short walk) to the shopping area and Vrijthof. Best of all, they are pet friendly. They charge a pet fee, but they give you a bed, dog bowls and a chew toy! The restaurant was amazing, as well all of the staff there. They really bent over backwards for all our requests."
- Le Home apartment (available on Booking.com) - Rhonda Jimenez says it's "located close to station in a beautiful townhouse. We stayed with 4 people. It does have a circular staircase up to the bathroom. Walking distance to the old city center."
- Mabi - "a cool boutique hotel" got two votes
- Château St. Gerlach - "beautiful!"
- This Airbnb was beautiful -- very comfortable, and the hosts were really kind and thoughtful.
- Cafe Sjiek (Be prepared for a lengthy wait!)
- Restaurant 55
- Vino & Friends
- Kruisherenhotel for lunch and dinner
- Au Coin des Bons Enfants - one member "had an unforgettable dinner" there!
- The best gelato is at Candiero on Koestraat.
- The best fries are at Frituur Reitz on the Markt -- worth the wait.
- Pinky's waffles are a very popular (and delicious) snack.
- Lunch, drinks or (early) dinner at Petit Cafe Moriaan -- the smallest restaurant in Maastricht.
- Koestraat is an adorable street packed with restaurants and outside tables. You probably can't go wrong with any of them!
- Try the local specialty, vlaii, at Bisschopsmolen (or any other bakery).
- For a really special dinner, try Restaurant Le Bon Vivant.
- Drink coffee and visit the bookstore in the old Dominican church.
- Shopping at the boutiques in Wyck ("little Paris"), followed by an outdoor lunch on one of the terraces there.
- Shopping in the center: Platielstraat, St. Amorsplein, Minckelersstraat & Stokstraat area.
- Cocktails at Mr. Smith, an underground speakeasy in the Rechtstraat.
- Take a boat tour on the Maas River.
- Try the "excellent" free walking tour: https://citysightsmaastricht.
com/ "We met in front of oldest church. It was led by a young man who was very personable and funny. We loved it!"
- Touring the North caves at Sint-Pietersberg is fascinating! There are English 1-hour tours daily -- book ahead and be sure to bring a jacket. The recreational area is really pretty, and you can also follow hiking routes at the Dutch version of a mountain (really a plateau between rivers).
- Maastricht also has a Christmas market: Magical Maastricht.
- "Bike ride! Bike ride to Belgium! Bike ride to wineries! Yes! Wineries. I love Maastricht. Hills bring me a fresh perspective on The NL. Need hills!"
- "You can also do a half day trip to Liege. Practice your French :)"
- Or, a day trip to Aachen.
Do you have tips you'd like to add? In our member's only Facebook group, there's a lively conversation!
Next month, we'll be sharing tips for the beautiful city of London! Please help fellow AWCAers by sharing your experiences in our our very short survey.
By Lauren Mescon
With contributions from Nancy Koster Tschirhart
Hans van Arkel, the last surviving witness, remembers it like it was yesterday. A boy of 11 years old at the time, he remembers exactly where the plane went down and where the survivors fell. On July 30, 1943, Man-O-War, a B-17 filled with 10 U.S. Airmen returning from their mission, was shot down over Opijnen. Eight crewmen died and only the pilot and co-pilot survived their parachute jumps.
Mr. van Arkel says it was 9:25 a.m., 25 degrees Celsius and a beautiful summer day. He saw it all… the plane exploded and the falling wreckage looked like pieces of silver paper raining down as the bodies fell. He saw one airman crash through the roof of a barn.
The co-pilot, John Bruce, had a broken ankle and an injured shoulder and needed a doctor. The doctor turned out to be a Nazi sympathizer and alerted the Germans. The two survivors were sent to German prison camps until the war ended.
Mr. van Arkel took a gun from the wreckage and his father, afraid of the Germans finding it, buried it. Today it is in the museum in Opijnen.
This is not where the true story ends, but where it begins.
We traveled to Opijnen to rejuvenate the long relationship between the American Women’s Club of Amsterdam and the residents of Opijnen. Fortunately, we had former AWCA President Nancy Koster-Tschirhart with us. Nancy, with the former mayor Ton Jansen and other community leaders, was instrumental in the amazing memorial that allows the memories of these brave men to live on and influence generations.
After the plane was shot down, in spite of the Germans’ prohibition against anyone attending the burial of the crew, villagers laid flowers at the graves in the middle of the night. When the war ended, the residents of Opijnen asked the families not to move their sons’ bodies to Margraten, the Dutch cemetery for more than 8,000 fallen American soldiers, nor to take them back to America, but rather to leave them where they fell, in the loving hands of the residents of Opijnen.
Opijnen was a poor farming area and one of 11 villages in the current municipality of Neerijnen. The villages are built along the dike protecting the Waal River. Unlike Amsterdam, their history is an oral history, passed on from parent to child. The community is one that most Americans know only from nostalgia, where everyone knows everyone else and celebrates and mourns life events together; where adult children live minutes away from parents, uncles, aunts and cousins.
This village has not only kept and lovingly tended the graves of the fallen Man-O-War crew, but they have also memorialized the plane in the middle of their newest residential housing development (completed in 2006). The streets bear the names of the crew. Although there are only four official streets, through the ingenuity of Nancy and the Opijnen representatives, they were able to use all 10 names of the men.
The shadow of the plane, constructed from bricks with an elevated rudder listing their names lies in the middle of the common area in the center of the homes and the streets. The common area is named McCammonplein to honor the pilot, Keene McCammon, and the main street around it is called Brucestraat, to honor the copilot, John Bruce. And those that died are there, with names like Cianfichipoort and Polingstraat.
We began our visit with coffee, tea and cakes before we visited the school where the children, ages 10-12, practiced their English with us by telling us what they knew about the plane that crashed in their village so many years ago. They know the story well because they have the benefit of Mr. van Arkel and the others who teach them what it means to their village, to honor the men who died for their freedom.
These children are proud, as they should be, of their village and they understand and are interested in their futures and from this huge example, are learning the lessons of right and wrong. As one of the residents, Bauke Algera (my translator, thank goodness) shared, these children hear about all the wars in the world and are interested in this history, their history, a time when good vs. evil was much more clear.
Our last stop was to visit the actual graves of the men. They are buried side-by-side in a beautifully kept row, with marble headstones shipped from the US and like those used at Arlington National Cemetery. Although the headstones were spotless, the Opijnen children cleaned them shortly before Remembrance Day, celebrated on May 4 in the Netherlands. May 5 is Dutch Liberation Day. What is striking about the graves is that these heroes were just entering their adulthood, most of them were 22 years old, the oldest was 28. They were from all parts of the US, from New York to North Dakota. They were younger than my own children.
But their legacy and their message live on in a wonderful way. Mr. McCammon’s daughter-in-law and granddaughter visited Opijnen in 2007. Although Mr. Bruce passed away in 2007, two of his children and a daughter-in-law returned yet again May 4, 2010, to lay flowers at the memorial. Close friends and neighbors of the parents of airman Krueger paid their respects that day as well. In July 2015, the nephew of airman Duggan visited Amsterdam and made the trip to Opijnen, hosted by former mayor, Ton Jansen.
On May 4, 2019, Opijnen will once again honor these men during the Remembrance Day commemoration. All AWCA members, families and friends are welcome to join the Opijnen Hervormd (Protestant) Church service from 6:45-8:15 p.m. Once again, the residents of this remarkable village will remember, as they said to us more than once, quoting John Bruce during his visits, “Freedom is not free.” These brave men died to ensure freedom, not only for Americans but for everyone.
Please email Martha Canning if you are interested in joining the group this year. It is about 45 minutes away and we will enjoy a group dinner nearby before the commemoration. We will also be arranging for carpools. It is a special opportunity to connect with our community and represent the U.S. and honor these brave men.
Did you know you have amazing member benefits FREE with your club membership?
Remember to refer to the benefits page on our website for the latest information and offers. Here are just a few benefits this year:
- 10% discount at the American Book Center
- FREE Design Consultation for SZI (with contract)
- FREE Pilates Class with Pilates for Everybody
- 10% discount on food, beverage and hotel rooms at the Amstel Hotel
- FREE Hanos membership (Dutch version of Costco)
Just show your current membership card and enjoy the benefits of being a member.
And the benefits extend beyond discounts.
Did you know our club boasts an average of 30 events per month — and half of those are in the evening and on weekends? We cater to many tastes: from feeding the homeless at the DeKloof shelter to touring art exhibits with Art on the Move, to enjoying lekker dinners with Dining Divas. We have an event for everyone, at every price point, and many for your partner or families, too.
Here are some statistics:
- Average of 30 events per month
- Average of 12-15 events in the evening or on the weekend
- Typically 3-4 overnights (or longer) per year
- 10-12 events are totally FREE (General Meeting/At Night Meeting, Book Club, Lunch Bunch, Pokeno and more)
Did you know you can even plan your own events?
We are a volunteer organization, and we love it when members share a great idea or excursion. You can check the calendar on the website for free days, and then fill out this form to plan your activity. Once it’s approved, our team will post the event on the calendar. Don’t forget to publicize and market your event to our members!
Being a member comes with so many great benefits. You have joined an amazing group of women who are here for you when you need a friend, a travel buddy to explore with, a shoulder to cry on, or a friend to visit you when you are feeling ill. We are more than a club, we are a village — your home away from home.
By Rhonda Jimenez
April 27 is King Willem-Alexander’s birthday. That means in in the Netherlands, Koningsdag (or King’s Day) is a celebration and a giant party. The entire city turns orange in his honor. (He is a descendant of the House of Orange-Nassau.) People dye their hair orange, dye their dogs orange, wear orange three-piece suits, drink orange beverages and eat orange bonbons.
Start collecting your orange gear now as it sells out quickly! Try Hema, AH and Witbaard Feestartikelen in de Pijp for your giant orange sunglasses, hats, leis and boas. Also, remember Koningsdag can be freezing — a winter coat, gloves and hat might be needed, or perhaps you should wear a sundress and shorts. You never know.
This is truly my favorite Dutch holiday. I love it because young and old celebrate it with unbridled passion.
What to do on Koningsdag?
We have a sloop, so we love to experience the nuttiness of the canals. It is like bumper boats with alcohol and almost no water. If you don’t have a boat, stand on a canal and watch the insanity. If you do venture out on a rental or your own sloop, check waternet.nl (they also have an app) for routes. The city creates a traffic system to manage the flow of boats. They now have water-based waste stations throughout for trash collection and potty breaks. Well done, City of Amsterdam!
If you have kids: Vondelpark turns into a giant kids’ yard sale. All used toys are recycled on the cheap, so it is fun to see what your kids can buy with €2. If you have things to sell, you can actually set up a table on the sidewalk and let your kids raise some cash. For just one day, it is legal to sell almost anything anywhere and everywhere. The park is just one of the popular places for kids to set up games. “Give me a euro and you can throw eggs at my face.” My son spent €10 at that game. There are games of skill where you have to smash a rolling tomato or water balloon toss. Some kids sing. Some kids dance. Others perform skits or music. Last year our VP Christine Collins’ daughter earned €300 singing with a friend. This is a fun place to go or take part in the money-making. No joke, the egg-faced kid made hundreds.
Like to shop? Head to the ritzy parts of town like Apollolaan, Beethovenstraat or the canal houses for designer bags, jewelry and clothing. This is a bonus, as it is very green to recycle clothing and wear something that isn't from Zara or Mango.
Like to eat? Anywhere you go, the free-market concept is set-up to relieve you of any extra cash. Pop-ups from restaurants sell food; kids sell (home-made) cookies and cakes; even Auntie Antje will sell soup from her window. Food is everywhere. (And just as important if not even more so: People even will allow you to use their toilet for a fee.)
Join us for a bake sale! We'll raise money for Safe Spaces at a bake sale on Apollolaan, near the Hilton. Would you like to help by baking or selling during a two-hour shift? Find more information and sign-up sheets on this post on our members Facebook page.
Like to party? The party actually begins on Koningsnacht, which is the night before Koningsdag. Do not miss it. Head to Rembrandtplein where bands and strange polka music take over. Caution: don’t get crazy on this night because tomorrow is another day of drinking. Pace yourself.
Then on Koningsdag, head to Dam Square or any of the massive music festivals dotted around the city. In the Dam, you will find thousands of orange friends dressed in anything you can (or can’t) imagine. Music, events and mayhem, guaranteed.
It's one day only: As the day winds down, around 4:30 p.m. the city becomes a ghost town. A really dirty ghost town left with the remnants of an awesome party. Discarded treasures, beer bottles, orange boas and other things not to be mentioned are found on the streets and sidewalks. Don’t fret because the city is prepared. Cleaning crews dispatch and the city will be clean again by morning.
To the Dutch, Koningsdag is not a celebration of the royal family or even a holiday that celebrates the Kingdom of the Netherlands. It is about community. The free-market, food and revelry are designed to encourage the citizens to go out and meet their neighbors. By purchasing a trinket, a treat or playing a game, they come together and celebrate being Dutch!
This month's destination is Copenhagen!
The Grand Hotel. It's not fancy, but it's a good location (right by the train station) and not too expensive.
- 71 Nyhavn
- Airbnb - EIKE Collection-3P-Luxury penthouse in city center
- Restaurant Barr
- Restaurant Hummer
- Hija de Sanchez - delicious Mexican food and margaritas. Tiny place.
- Papa Bird - Gin and tonic bar with nice beer selections and some snacks. Good toasty with chips and pickles!
- Next Door Cafe - Little place we like for breakfast. The hot ginger drink is so delicious!
Here's a map of vegan and vegan-friendly food in Copenhagen: https://drive.google.com/open?id=1z-oApNZdA41WQoarETE_dlTMEcJNq_eJ&usp=sharing.
- The Viking Ship Museum in Roskilde. A very interesting and well-done museum where we learned more about the Vikings (and maybe they were not as violent as portrayed but definitely fierce). And the cafe there serves a modern take using only foods of the Viking Age!
- Climb to the top of the bell tower at Church of Our Saviour for the best view of Copenhagen. (It's so cool because the steps are on the outside of the spire. It was even on the Amazing Race.)
- Tivoli Gardens - European amusement park and really fun. Be aware it's not open all 12 months! Check the dates before you make plans.
- Ny Carlsberg Glyptotek - - an art museum housed in a gorgeous space. Lots of sculpture, some mummies and other ancient stuff, and small but really nice collection of French masterpieces and paintings from the Danish Golden Age. I imagine the King's Garden (Kongens Have) will be especially lovely in the summer! Or slightly later in the spring when things are blooming.
- The Nyhavn neighbourhood looks like Amsterdam with pretty canal homes.
- Rosenborg Castle.
- Little Mermaid Statue. I guess it's a must-see but it's a bit underwhelming.
- Walk or run along the water on the boardwalk. It’s near the Marriott. Fun outdoor exercise option.
- First time we went we did a canal cruise, which is a good way to see some of the city.
- AC Perch’s Thehandel is an old tea shop. So many options and some tasty tea!
- One of my favorite cities. Pretty, charming, clean, friendly people, good shopping, and great food!
- We spent most of our time walking around, enjoying seeing the city. It's very walkable, but a canal tour is worthwhile when you're ready for a break!
- It was pretty easy to take the train from the airport to the central station. There's a bank of ticket kiosks in Terminal 3, you can choose English on the machine, and there are people to help if you get confused. Uber doesn't operate in Copenhagen, but there are taxis if you need. The Copenhagen airport was actually really nice — definitely one of the quietest I've ever been in. We got to the airport a bit early for our flight home, and it was a pleasant place to relax and have a drink. There are also lots of stores there if you want to grab something on your way home (and don't want to schlep it around the city with you).
Do you have tips you'd like to add? On our members only Facebook page, there's a lively conversation!
Next month, we'll be sharing tips for the beautiful city of Maastricht! Please help fellow AWCAers by sharing your experiences in our our very short survey.
This month's destination is Venice!
- Hotel Amadeus - near the train station, about a 30 minute walk to St. Mark's Square (Piazza San Marco)
- Hotel Paganelli - "Great views, reasonable, and 5 minutes to St. Mark's Square"
- Hotel Agli Alboretti - "There's a classic wine bar right nearby"
- Another member suggested: "Try Airbnb for something central and authentic, but it's easy to stay in Mestre too. Mestre is like Buitenveldert to Amsterdam."
- Osteria ai 4 Feri
- Gelateria Nico - one member's favorite because "they serve something called 'gianduiotto.'"
- One member suggested taking a gondola rowing lesson and said, "it was a hit with the kids."
- Peggy Guggenheim Collection
- An Interpreti Veneziani concert - "The cellist is amazing! They perform in a lovely old church close to the Academia bridge. I've seen them several times. The first time I had my (then) teenage children with me. They loved it too."
- Take the ferry to Burano island. "Great atmosphere and cute shops."
- Pay the €6 per person (plus expensive coffee) to sit at St. Mark's Square and listen to music.
- Try to get a little lost and you will find wonderful things!
- Drink your coffees and wine at the bar and not sitting down to save some money.
- Check out "the area around Campo Santa Margarita. It's usually pretty lively and kind of a young crowd."
- Another idea: "it's really fun to buy vino 'alla spina,' which is straight from a tap into a glass or plastic bottle. The wine isn't necessarily that great, but I love the idea that it's like buying the local beer in Germany or such."
- "It's expensive, but if you are flying into Marco Polo, it is a fabulous experience to hire a private boat/taxi to take you to Venice proper (also a lot faster)."
- Do you have tips you'd like to add? On our member's only Facebook page, there's a lively conversation! Comments about Venice can go here.
Next month, we'll be sharing tips for the beautiful city of Copenhagen! Please help fellow AWCAers by sharing your experiences in our our very short survey.
By Claire Fitzpatrick, D.C.
The things that we do every day – especially the little things – have the most impact on our lives.
Conversely, little life tweaks can dramatically screw us up, too.
Here are 5 things you may be doing to improve your life that are making your life worse:
1. Trading sleep for productivity
I know you have a ton of things that you do every day. When you get home, it feels like a treat if you stay up one extra hour to watch Netflix.
Skimping on sleep diminishes your health, productivity and state of mind (irritability, anxiety and feelings of loss and sadness without a specific reason). Going to bed on time and treating yourself to a nap when your body’s craving for one, by contrast, naturally improves performance, energy and mood.
Do you want your life to become unbearable? Me neither. Get your 7 ½ - 8 hours of sleep a night.
2. Skipping your workout
So, you took my advice and now you don’t have time to work out because you got that extra hour of sleep.
Nope. You don’t get out of it that easily.
Working out is an investment. You should invest at least 4 times a week doing a combination of weight-bearing and aerobic exercise. You will find that the health and energy benefits actually FURTHER increase your productivity and effectiveness! You trade time for efficiency. Now you have more time to do the things you love to do because you’re more effective – and healthy to boot!
3. Skipping stretching
You’re at the gym (or biking or running). Good for you! The hardest part about working out is actually getting there. So, pat yourself on the back for that success.
But, oh no! You only have a half hour to spend! So, you think you could skip the stretching, or better yet, you’ll “do-it-later,” because you can stretch anytime.
First of all, you probably won’t stretch later.
Second, your muscles, tendons, and nervous system need oxygen to perform properly. When you work out without conditioning your joints and muscles, you risk injury (sometimes serious injury), and your workout is much less effective.
Do dynamic stretches in the beginning and static stretches at the end. Or make these your priority, and make sure you make time for both stretching and working out next time.
4. Taking a multi-vitamin
What? Of course, you should take vitamins, you say! You pop that pill you got from Etos or Kruidvat every morning! Everyone knows you should take your vitamins.
Well, yes and no.
When it comes to nutrition, quality is everything. The all-purpose, biggest-bang-for-your-buck brand of vitamin may actually strip your system of nutrients it already has, or heaven forbid, actually can hurt your cardiovascular system. Is your pee a crazy shade of neon yellow after you take your vitamin? Do your skin and breath smell like chalk? Do you have diarrhea after taking your vitamins? Or constipation?
Our bodies are all different. What may work for one person may be harmful to another. It’s just more complicated than taking a big-box vitamin pill.
Talk with me (or someone else with advanced training in nutrition and functional medicine) about what’s right for you. If you’re a DIY kind of person, at least stick to organic, whole-food supplements. For instance, drink greens in the morning and reds at dinnertime.
5. Not stopping until the job is done
I’m guilty of this too. “When I've finished this, I'll get up.”
So, you sit in that chair for 8-12 hours cranking out the work, only stopping for a bathroom break when your bowels and bladder won’t take it anymore. Or, you tackle your housecleaning or yard work like a fanatic, from dawn until dusk, without stopping, stretching, or taking a walk to take in the day.
You’re wrecking your body and your mind.
We all need breaks (see the sleep section). Our brains work best when we “clear the cache” and get some quality movement time going. Even if you have to set an egg timer (look how old I am) or your phone alarm to go off every 15-20 minutes, get up, stretch, move around. And every 1 1/2 hours or so, move on to something else. Come back to it in a rotation.
And for goodness sake, get out the door and take in some life, will you? Look at those canals and those wobbly houses! Why are you here in Amsterdam if you don’t get out and take a stroll every day?
Take the little things you do every day to “improve your life” and switch them out for quality time. I promise you, you’ll yield more time, accomplishment and quality of life than you would have. You’ll be shocked.
By Claire Fitzpatrick, D.C.
Do you or someone you know suffer from fatigue, confusion, attention disorders, movement disorders or neurological dysfunction? How about hormonal imbalance, mood swings, and global aches and pains? In addition to seeking medical help, it would be a good idea to get your cranial and spinal integrity checked.
You’ve likely heard this at some time in your life: “My doctor told me it’s all in my head…” Whether she knew it or not, she may be right – but not in the way she may think.
Chiropractors are known for their ability to address vertebral integrity. However, many do not know that cranial, as well as vertebral, integrity is of the utmost importance for the body to regulate nourishment to the brain and spinal cord and excrete waste products into the vestibular and lymphatic system for elimination. It is not an area of study that is widely explored in general medicine; however, doctors of chiropractic are highly educated and well-versed in this area.
In fact, the more you know about cranial integrity and a person’s ability to thrive, the more you may wish to consult with an expert as a standard of care for you and your family.
Here’s a quick primer:
The skull is made up of two sets of bones - the bones of your face and the bones of your cranium, which make up your forehead and the back of your head. There are 22 bones in total. The mandible (jawbone) is the only movable bone of the skull. The other bones are connected by fixed joints called sutures.
When the sutures along the cranium are out of alignment, as when spinal vertebrae are out of alignment, it is impossible for us to experience optimal health and wellbeing because the dura mater (the tough covering of connective tissue that attaches to the interior of the cranium) gets twisted.
Picture when you twist a water balloon, how the flow of the water is out of balance and presses more on different parts of the sides. It’s the same with the dura.
Cerebrospinal fluid is the nourishing fluid in which the brain and spinal cord float within the dura. When the flow of nourishment in and out, and indeed the pressure of the fluid itself, is uneven and out of balance, waste can get trapped inside and the brain itself is subjected to uneven pressure. As you may imagine, this isn’t good.
For instance, it is impossible to have a fully-functioning hormonal system when stress exists in the brain – which contains and regulates hormones at the highest level – when your cranium has subtle distortions that limit the movement of cerebrospinal fluid in and out of the head and along the spinal cord.
Cranial and spinal distortions can be assessed and adjusted by your chiropractor. Cranial distortions can be similarly addressed by other highly-educated, licensed health practitioners who specialize in craniosacral therapy. The good news is that addressing these distortions usually creates a change that can be felt immediately in most people.
During an assessment of the cranium and spinal alignment, in addition to the position of the cranial sutures, your vertebrae, your sacrum and pelvis, your chiropractor will also assess:
Eye Position – while a certain amount of asymmetry is normal, if there is a very noticeable difference between the action and the position of the eyes, this could be an indication of cranial dysfunction.
Mandible – she will observe whether the jaw is even on both sides, or if one side appears more compressed than the other.
Ears – if the ears are the same height, or whether one is further front or back from the other
Shoulders – if one shoulder is higher than the other.
Leg Length – if one leg appears shorter than another, but corrects when adjusted
Your Gut – whether there is tension in your belly, and if it is from an uneven pull from the fascia surrounding your gut organs
There is promising research coming out suggesting that correcting cranial and spinal distortions can help ear infections, learning impairment, support healthy blood flow in and out of the brain, and improve nitric oxide production. Research also shows that it can improve the autonomic nervous system function and heart rate variability.
In an age of endless blood tests and impersonal doctor office visits, it’s important to remember that there are doctors who actually put their hands on you to see what’s going on; who can help your body adjust naturally without the use of drugs and surgery; and who you can build a relationship with for you and your family. It behooves you to make trips to a physician well-versed in bodywork as part of your primary health care team.
by Phyllis Larkin, Psy.D
Geriatric and Family Psychologist
Many of those caring for a loved one from abroad feel guilty. Should we?
Let’s take a closer look at this powerful, and misunderstood, emotion in relation to our aging loved ones.
Guilt | Definition by Merriam-Webster
1: responsibility for having done something wrong and especially something against the law. He admitted his guilt.
2: a feeling of shame or regret as a result of bad conduct. Other Words from guilt. guiltless \ -ləs \ adjective.
According to Webster, one must have committed an offense. This results in guilt, the appropriate reaction. Guilt generates feelings of regret for doing wrong. The guilt reaction calls us to change our behavior and make things right with those we have harmed.
So what have we done wrong?
Most caregivers feel there is “always more” that they can or “should” be doing to make their loved ones lives nicer, easier or more pleasant. “Should” is the problem here. “Should” implies the expectation that you can do all the things others want, regardless of the impact on your life, health, finances or living conditions. Guilt often comes when we can’t meet an “expectation,” yet feel obligated to meet the expectation anyway. Guilt tells you that you “should” be able to meet the expectation even if the demands are unreasonable or unfeasible. But are you guilty? Or are you being harsh with yourself? Let's ask some basic questions about your expectations for yourself:
- What can you do from abroad?
- What is reasonable?
- What is appropriate?
I would encourage you to answer these questions as if you were judging a respected friend or family member.
- Would you expect anyone else to meet the obligation given the circumstances?
- Are you being asked to sacrifice your financial security? Can you afford to contribute to your loved one’s expenses? If you can, how much?
- Are you capable of the tasks being requested? Driving to medical appointments is impossible. Reviewing household bills is possible if you are given access via websites or PDF files.
- Are resentment or anger preventing you from meeting responsibilities you are capable of? Then you may be feeling appropriate guilt that demands changes to your behavior.
- Are you breaking laws? Then you are truly guilty and the feeling is congruent with your behavior.
- Are you feeling irresponsible, even though you are meeting your commitments and doing the best you can? Then the feeling of guilt is unwarranted and needs to be examined. Replace the guilt with an appropriate feeling. You might feel sadness at your loved one's decline, anger that things haven’t gone as you would have liked or grief at the loss of connection due to living abroad.
Healthy guilt is warranted when we have acted immorally, unlawfully, or disrespectfully.
It calls us to change our behavior and results in self-improvement.
Unwarranted guilt is counterproductive. It generates feelings of worthlessness and remorse for responsibilities that are out of our control or our ability to meet them. Unwarranted guilt does not improve anyone's lives. It just makes us feel bad about ourselves. We feel helpless to change our behavior and this prevents us from doing what we can for those we love.
This prayer can help us decide what we can do and what we can’t:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
— American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr (1892–1971)
by Phyllis Larkin, Psy.D
Geriatric and Family Psychologist
- Mom says in a panic, “They turned off the electricity. I don’t know what happened?”
- Unopened bills are piled on the counter.
- There are unnecessary new windows and doors on dad’s house, and the replacements were financed through a second mortgage on the house.
- Since the caregiver moved in, money is being taken out of the bank accounts.
- Identity theft of mom’s credit.
Unfortunately, the senior population is at high risk for financial fraud and abuse. Isolation, cognitive decline, and physical impairment are exploited by criminals who target seniors. Having financial documents in order helps protect seniors and their families from fiduciary abuse. Below are links to helpful information regarding fraud.
Consumer advisories: Preventing fraud
|Beware of scams targeting older adults during the holidays||Read the blog|
|Work with your bank or credit union to protect older adults from financial exploitation||Read the blog|
|How to avoid becoming a victim of an asset recovery scam||Read the blog|
|Planning for diminished capacity and illness||Read the blog|
Planning is Key
Obtaining access to your loved ones’ bills, financial accounts and assets must be done before the onset of cognitive impairment to avoid costly and painful court proceedings. Procedures for Court Appointed Guardianship differs from state to state so be sure to get specific information about the state that your loved one lives in.
One of our support group members found this excellent guide that addresses the financial documents that you may need to help your loved one. The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau guides are tailored to the needs of people in four different fiduciary roles, and there is a helpful video discussing different situations. These documents should be created before hiring caregivers. All financial documents, bills, and personal identification should be removed from the home if outside caregivers are engaged. Unfortunately, seniors may need to be protected from unsavory family members and these documents help protect their financial security.
Power of attorney
Guides for those who have been named in a power of attorney to make decisions about money and property for someone else.
Guides for those who have been appointed by a court to be guardians of property or conservators, giving them the duty and the power to make financial decisions on someone’s behalf.
Guides for those who have been named as trustees under revocable living trusts.
Guides for those who have been appointed by a government agency to manage another person's income benefits, such as Social Security or Veterans Affairs benefit checks.
By Beth Massa
Soggy bits of red paper everywhere. Hardly distinguishable from the remnants of decaying leaves discarded by autumn’s trees and disregarded by Amsterdam’s street sweepers.
“What’s all this red paper all over the place?”
“But why are there so, so, so, many firecrackers?”
“To banish all the bad spirits from Oud en Nieuw.”
Having visited many times, I moved to Amsterdam, intentionally for the rest of my life, on Jan. 6, 2007.
Upon arrival, I threw my suitcases into my temporary housing on the Korte Koningstraat and walked across the Nieuwmarkt over to ‘t Loosje, my regular bruin café, to meet up with my Amsterdam crew. They knew I was moving. They’d known for three years, since the first day we’d all met. So when I walked in for the first time not-from-out-of-town, it was no big thing. There were no cheers or applause or back-slapping hugs. Our gang celebrates in words, not in volume. We’re cool like that.
There was red paper stuck to the sides of my shoes that night. I scraped it off, tossed my shoes in the entryway, and went to bed, staring at the ceiling in disbelief that I had left my country for good. The fantasy was real, and it was for the first time — but only a brief time — terrifying.
A year earlier almost to the day, I quit my job and rented an apartment on Da Costakade for three months during the worst time of year — dark, cold — just to make sure I really wanted to live in Amsterdam. I looked forward to taking weekend trips to Paris or to shoot down to Cologne to visit my best friend. But I hardly moved.
Burnout wasn’t a thing where I had worked. You’d stare at your Outlook calendar, which was triple booked with meetings across every hour, all day, every day. You found yourself shutting the door to your office because you could not face having to ask your exhausted and resentful staff to do just a little bit more. You found yourself “underperforming” and then your body would rebel and then you’d have some sort of sudden, dramatic departure. We didn’t know burnout. We only knew failure.
But in that apartment, I would wrap myself in a blanket and stare out the large windows watching the snow fall and melt on the canal outside. Sometimes I didn’t leave the house for several consecutive days. In those months I discovered what I needed from Amsterdam, at that time and in that condition, and it was actually the best time of year.
My 70-year-old mother has been traveling to Europe regularly since 1985. Three years ago, she retired and moved from Seattle to South Bend, Indiana to be closer to her oldest friends and much of our family. She moved to an adorable Tudor in a historic neighborhood across from a park and around the corner from the University of Notre Dame. Her friends and our family were thrilled to have her back, after 20 years being so far away out west. And I was excited, too. It would be so much easier to travel to see each other, and I would get to see our extended family more. But I could tell she was restless. Last June, I asked her, “What do you really want?”
She said, "I want to move to Amsterdam. I don't want to just visit anymore. I've dreamed of living in Europe ever since I was a girl leafing through my collection of Time-Life books. I’ve tried to make a life here. I love visiting with my friends. I’m volunteering. I’ve really tried. I even do Zumba! But I’m bored. I want to move now while I'm young and active enough to enjoy my life in Europe to the fullest.”
After we had a brief mother/daughter squabble (“Why didn’t you just say this in the first place!” “Well I was waiting to be invited.” “Please don’t be passive aggressive, I can’t read your mind.”), I told her to go for it. She sold the adorable Tudor, pared down her belongings, and five months after that conversation over weak coffee at a strip mall Starbucks, I picked up her and her Shih Tzu, Tullymore, from the airport and took them to their new home.
She’d seen the apartment on Funda and through Skype. My mother has this gift for finding treasures where no one else is looking. How she found this perfectly cozy nest of a place, suspiciously affordable, right on the Herengracht, dead center in the middle of the Negen Straatjes, can only be explained by a brief, magical, Harry-Potteresque window, opening for only her to see, and only for a moment. It had been on the website for weeks. This just doesn’t happen. But it did, and we aren’t asking questions.
I staged the moment I would open the door for her to her new home. I’d closed the curtains on the floor-to-ceiling windows, so I could grandly cast them open for that view to receive her. I installed a garish and exotic and ridiculously Alice-in-Wonderland oversized bouquet. She couldn’t speak. We had pulled it off.
What if the house doesn’t sell? It did. What if the movers don’t come in time? They showed up. And worst and most worrying of all, what if at the last minute the airline doesn’t let Tully on the plane? They hardly took notice of him. My mom, the worrier and the planner, could exhale. Deeply. Spiritually. Maybe for the first time in her life.
A few days later, we went to our favorite pizza place in town, which is right around the corner from her apartment, because everything is right around the corner from her apartment. As we hugged goodnight and started to part ways, I reflexively began to well up as I watched the back of her little body, huddled against the cold, walking away from me — just as she had done so many times in the past with a suitcase ka-chunk-ka-chunking behind her.
“This is weird! I want to cry because you are leaving! But I’ll see you tomorrow and the day after that!” She turned around and smiled at me, beaming. Happier than I can recall her ever being. “This isn’t weird, you’re weird,” she yelled back.
And so, she walked that night to her cozy apartment with the Cinerama view over the Herengracht. Her usual life, all her clothes, her dog, her housewares and picture frames, layered like vellum on top of her new life, is taking some getting used to. It seems unreal and it’s disorienting. But that is what I love about Amsterdam. The surrealism of the city never leaves, no matter what circumstances brought you here.
We’ve spent many hours these last weeks looking through her windows at the darkness pierced with a dozen soft spotlights — the theatre of Amsterdam streetlife performed on, in, and around a 400-year-old stage. Never changing, always changing.
The tall, reedy young man in a flat cap and suspenders with a strip of bow tie around his neck, unbowed, parking his car and hustling down the street. What’s he doing? He returns with a golden girl draped in a gold sequined flapper dress. They are going to a 1920s Christmas party. He opens her door for her, awkwardly. Ah! He almost forgot to open her door!
The residents in the apartments across the street. The generously proportioned older gentleman on the top floor flops his foot on the window sill to remove his dress shoes, then shuts the curtains, presumably while he disassembles the rest of his workday finery. The windows of the French cooking school steaming up from a crush of people more than the cooking — presumably there for an office party. The amber glow from the stained-glass windows of the luxury lingerie shop in the corner that gets almost no customers.
But mostly right now the rondvaart tour boats have us nearly hypnotized. A new one cruises by every 20 seconds. The people in the boats looking up, or sadly in too many cases, looking through a phone or iPad. Do we give them a show? We are each other’s scenery. We should pay them no mind. But we are new and giddy. Occasionally, I’ll stand at the window with Tully in my arms. When I hold him like a baby he relaxes so his head falls back over the crook of my elbow. The cameras go up. The people point or wave. The tour boats can roar to a stop. Powerful reverse thrusters hold the boats motionless. They stand so still so they can maneuverer impossibly through the narrow tunnels under the bridges.
Life in Amsterdam can be as mundane and routine as anywhere else. Jobs. Grocery stores. Traffic. Dentist appointments. But first and always first, Amsterdam is a playground you can jump in and out of whenever you like. We see it with a first-timer’s eyes all day as the tourists walk around in a fog of wonder.
Amsterdam is cool like that. It knows what it is, and what it has achieved. It has nothing to prove. And this Northern European city will awaken from its hibernation. Spring is coming. But for the next few months, my reunited family will roar to a stop. To watch. To relax. To recover. To wait. And to marvel.
By Claire Fitzpatrick, D.C.
First, a disclaimer: I must inform you that nothing that follows should be construed to imply that this plant, nor its constituents, cures or prevents any disease. Also, this article is not a substitute for going to see your doctor for a proper diagnosis of your health concerns. Before you use any nutritional supplement or herbal remedy, see your physician to make certain it is safe for you to do so, particularly if you are pregnant, nursing, very old or very young.
Okay. With that out of the way…
Sea buckthorn (Dutch: duindoorn) has been on the berry landscape for thousands of years now, but only recently recognized as a veritable superberry in the last decade.
I heard of it five years ago because a hypnotherapist friend of mine spread a rumor about Omega-7 fatty acid (FA). The rumor was: If you are a woman suffering from dry vagina and subsequently painful sexcapades, that Omega-7 is the FA for you. This fatty acid, the rumor purported, is a handy-dandy natural lube manufacturing enhancer. In other words… well… it helps you get wet.
Being a doctor and a woman in the harrowing throes of perimenopause at the time, I was intrigued; so I did a bit of research on Omega-7. It turns out that the easiest, best way to obtain the benefits of Omega-7 is from the sea buckthorn plant.
Sea buckthorn (Hippophae rhamnoides L.) is native to Europe and Asia’s high temperate zones, and it is very high in everything that makes a food a superfood.
There are documented benefits in more than 130 scientific studies worldwide on sea buckthorn oil. It turns out that the sea buckthorn is a very versatile superberry! In fact, it is one of the most nutrient-rich berries known to mankind.
Apparently, it helps coordinate the reproductive system with the endocrine (hormonal) and nervous systems (resulting in a happy, lubricated vagina), and helps with menopausal changes. It is also useful in combating urinary tract infections, yeast infections, and related gynecological problems.
But wait… there’s more!
Sea buckthorn is said (by almost every other country except the United States) to diminish inflammation, is an antimicrobial, a pain reliever, and promoter of tissue regeneration. It is good for heart and vascular health and preventing cardiovascular disease. It balances cholesterol and lipid content in the blood and thus helps prevent fatty liver. It helps to increase appetite and stomach digestion, is great for skin health and acne, and is a powerful natural antioxidant, antibiotic, anti-fungal, and anti-inflammatory.
It is a natural stool-softener and is used in Asia for gastrointestinal disease, autoimmune diseases, respiratory disease, and skin disease. It has anti-aging properties and is commonly used overseas to smooth wrinkles and discoloration of the skin. It is wonderful for balancing hormones and the nervous system. If you have cold hands and feet, sea buckthorn seems to be good for preventing chilblains. It also seems to be great for eye health.
It has been used medicinally in China and Russia since 1977 to treat the adverse symptoms of chemotherapy and radiation; including oral mucositis, vaginal mucositis, cervical erosion, radiation damage, burns, scalds, duodenal ulcers, gastric ulcers, and skin ulcers caused by malnutrition. Additionally, the leaves and bark have been shown to have cancer-fighting properties.
Aside from the alleged encouragement of vaginal mucosa lubrication-producing qualities, clearing these health concerns would make you feel pretty sexy anyway… don’t you think?
This is a great food for all ages, as it contains more than 100 nutrients and extra-nutritional constituents that are normally in limited quantities in food, such as flavonoids, linolenic acid, glucosides, phenols, polyphenols, terpenes, and carotene.
The berry pulp and the seeds are rich in carbohydrates, proteins, amino acids, vitamins (very high in A, C and E), minerals (including trace minerals such as iron, copper, manganese, selenium), which all neutralize free-radicals (are anti-oxidants).
They have lots of omega 3, 6, 7, and 9 fatty acids which make them a viable alternative to fish oil for vegetarians. However, like the other good vegetarian source of omegas — flax seed, the time between harvest and consumption is short. Unless prepared in a preservative matrix, the berries and seeds need to be flash-frozen, refrigerated, and their oils need to be consumed within two weeks of harvest.
It does have a nice amount of Vitamin K per 100 gram serving: 110-230 mg in the seed oil and 54-59 mg in the pulp oil. Vitamin K – in particular, Vitamin K2-7 – is very important to help Vitamin D3 absorb properly.
A bit of trivia: A legend says the ancient Greeks found that sick horses that were “let out to pasture” surprisingly regained their health and vitality by eating this berry. They named the shrub Hippophae rhamnoides L., meaning “trees that make horses shine,” and consequently used sea buckthorn leaves as a constituent in the diet of racehorses. According to another legend, Pegasus used sea buckthorn leaves to help him fly. Additionally, it is called “the Holy Fruit of the Himalayas” in Tibet.
You can get these sea buckthorn goodies and many other fine supplements in your friendly neighborhood supplement shop. (Remember: in Dutch, the name is duindoorn.)
Happy lubricating! (Did I just say that?)
by Phyllis Larkin, Psy.D
Geriatric and Family Psychologist
Scenes from a Rockwell painting rush to mind when we think about the holiday season: the family tableau, cookies baking, ”I’ll Be Home for Christmas” playing in the background…These idealized images, sounds and smells all give us a romanticized version of holidays full of bliss, joy, and harmony. In reality, “Home Alone” is closer to the truth for most families, who struggle to cope with a time of year that creates emotional, financial and travel expectations that are difficult, if not impossible, to meet. Now let’s throw in a parent who is in failing health or experiencing cognitive decline. No wonder some of us are filled with dread instead of hope at this time of year. Is it any wonder this is also the time of year when binge drinking increases, stress takes its toll on our bodies, and family discord spikes?
How to cope:
Prioritize your spending on things that will really create a sense of peace.
- Give the gift of time. Offer to take care of your aging loved one and give their primary caregiver a break. Taking mom or dad shopping for new clothes is a great way to show appreciation. Offer to do laundry, fill prescriptions, buy medication boxes and fill them (one month of meds is ideal), drive your loved one on errands, do the grocery shopping, make meals to freeze, install grab bars, put anti-slip mats under throw rugs to deter falls, find a handyman to help as things need to be done, etc….
- Don’t spend money you don’t have. The finances of living abroad can be staggering and adding airfare, presents, expensive food, hotels, dining out, and incidentals may be more than you or your family can manage.
- If you can afford it, offer to cover the co-pays for your loved one if they are living on a fixed income. This is a gift that will be remembered all year.
- DO NOT have discussions about your loved one’s financial, physical, or cognitive status at family functions! This includes the kitchen or sidebar discussions. Your loved one will feel betrayed and so will the hostess. Keep it light! Save these talks for a private, dedicated time in a safe place.
- DO talk about your loved one’s needs and wants (see last month’s blog) in a calm and loving manner. This should take place after a meal, preferably at a time of day when they aren’t tired, and in a place THEY feel comfortable. Plant seeds. Don’t push or insist. “Mom, I live so far away and I need to know what you want. I want to be able to advocate for you if there was ever a time when you couldn’t advocate for yourself.” Then listen. Don’t judge. Don’t cajole. Don’t have an agenda. Ask: “Does Dr. Blank know what you want if you can’t speak for yourself?” More listening…
- Be honest about how hard these discussions are to have. “It makes me so sad that mom is having trouble remembering things. I don’t want her to get infirm and dependent, but she is. I can’t imagine how hard it is for you to see this every day.” “Becky, this is so hard on you. You handle all mom’s medical issues! How can I help out while I’m here? Would it help if I handle the insurance paperwork? I can do that from Amsterdam.” “John, can I go to Home Depot and buy the grab bars you want to install?”
- If you have siblings, you will want to discuss everyone's strengths, and how these can be used to help your loved one and the primary caregiver. “I can’t be on the ground in an emergency, but I can email, call and pay bills.” “John, you have been so good about helping keep mom’s house functioning. Do you need us to set up an account for these expenses?” “Becky, you have really shouldered the medical appointments and doctors' visits. Do you need help with mom’s insurance co-pays and banking?” “Becky, can I arrange my next visit around your vacation so you and Bill can get away?”
- NEVER keep secrets! Don’t band together against one member. Discussions should be open and honest. “John, I know your construction company is doing really well. Do you have the time to do all this stuff? Can we hire one of your workers to help out?” Sally has two kids in college and it’s expensive to hire outside help. Instead of asking for money, say, “Can you ask the kids to spend time with mom so Becky can have an afternoon off?” “Can Billy (Sally’s son) mow mom’s grass this summer? It would really save on yard expenses and she would love to see him when he’s home from school.” “Can Susan (Sally’s daughter) help mom with her marketing? The bags are getting heavy and they both love to shop.”
- Engage the next generation in help. This models intergenerational commitments and strengthens family ties. We all share the memory of mom bringing Billy a Coke while he’s mowing her lawn or Susan putting the groceries away while chatting with grandma. These moments last long after the expensive gifts are gone. Gifts of love and time are what we all want. These are the Rockwell moments!
This is a term given to those of us who live far away — we swoop in and then we leave. Often we can see things that those on the ground can’t. We then voice our concerns, tell people what to do or criticize how things are being done. Then we get on a plane and leave a wake of resentment behind. “My sister, who lives in Europe (eye roll) came in and told me how to manage my mother's care! Who does she think she is?” Criticism is never helpful and is never acted upon. Instead, follow this strategy:
- Open with a compliment. A real compliment. No sarcasm, no judgment. “Becky, you are doing a wonderful job with all mom’s medical appointments and insurance. Thank you.”
- Follow with a compassionate question. “How are you taking care of your arthritis when you’re so busy with mom? I’m concerned about your health. Taking care of mom is exhausting. How are you?” Listen — for a long time. No suggestions, no judgment.
- Offer practical help. “Can I order mom’s meds and have them delivered?” “Would it help if I called mom every day so you can have a break from the constant calls?” “Can I transfer money to mom’s account for the grab bars?”
- Be open to alternatives. “I need to keep track of the insurance. Could you arrange for her rides to the senior center online?” “Could you send $100/month for her co-pays instead?” “Can you set up a Skype account and show her how to use it?” “Can you set up her online banking and help her pay her bills?”
- Execute your commitment. It’s not help if it doesn’t get done. Instead, it leads to resentments and conflict. If you don’t execute the request, you are swooping.
Go bake those cookies, play some Bing Crosby and have a cup of tea with your loved one. Happy Holidays!
By Claire Fitzpatrick, D.C.
In my office, I see people with shoulder pain, knee pain, headaches, low back pain, and neck pain. What most of us don't realize is that if our bodies find it necessary to shunt resources to areas of pain, it means the body understands that there is an underlying health problem that needs attention. It also means that there are less available resources for our bodies to regenerate properly.
If there is chronic pain (pain that began over three months ago), that means there is flawed neural patterning that began months or years earlier, when something happened in our lives that we couldn’t properly integrate. Maybe it was abuse. Maybe it was a jolt from a bike accident. Maybe the cause is black mold in the walls that we would never think to look for. Maybe it is continuing sorrow, disappointment or the nagging realization that life is not turning out the way we think it should.
If we are lucky…
If we're lucky, our imbalances express themselves with pain and sometimes anxiety. This doesn't feel like a blessing, but pain and anxiety encourage us to find help to relieve our symptoms. With real luck, you find practitioners who want to find the root of the problem.
I happen to think chiropractic is crucial in this process. Chiropractic helps us repattern our bodies and minds so that our bodies AND our minds are more flexible, more adaptable, more able to heal properly. But it often takes a team of dedicated integrative health professionals to help one person with multiple chronic health issues.
It’s easy to find physicians who will provide a quick fix to deaden pain. But a lack of symptoms does not equal good health. If I take painkillers and they deaden the pain, the pain may disappear, but the problem remains. It also means that my body has to deal with a foreign substance that, by definition, interferes with the nervous system’s ability to keep clear the lines of communication between brain and body.
I understand that, sometimes, we need to deaden pain temporarily in order to get through a situation. But many of us rely on painkillers to get through life. And that is not a workable strategy in the long run.
Pain is a cry for help.
Pain is a sign that our neural systems are not firing properly, that there is an improper feed in our bodies due to a buildup of stress. That stress could be chemical, physical, environmental, emotional and spiritual, or a combination of all.
But sometimes healing hurts.
Many times, we think that if our pain goes away, we are healed, and that the goal of our chiropractic care is to go back to our desperate lives, pain-free at least. Sometimes we find something else. Sometimes we hurt more during the process of healing.
Awareness brings consequences. As we heal and as our brains reconnect with our bodies, we can sometimes become aware that there is a bigger problem than the pain.
Awareness also brings us choices.
We now have a chance to face life full on, with awareness of the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful. Many of us cannot stomach this awareness right away, and we blame everyone and everything else for the way we respond to others in our environment. We must be patient with ourselves and others during this healing process.
While we must ultimately take responsibility for our choices, when we are subluxated (i.e., in a state of less light, less awareness, inflexibility, inadaptability, holding nerve system interference), we often cannot make the right choices right away. While we are subluxated, our ability to access our full capacity is still limited.
We must be gentle with ourselves while healing.
We mustn’t be hard on ourselves during the healing process, just as we mustn’t be unduly harsh to others during this time.
It’s when we are “painless” — we are disconnected from our bodies, minds and spirits, yet have a sense of dis-ease and dissatisfaction with our lives — that is when we are often the most dangerous to ourselves and those around us.
Pain as a blessing.
We who have pain symptoms at least have the blessings of some level of awareness. There is a chance of reorganizing our patterning. It also gives us the chance to grow in ways that we would never have been aware of without the pain.
We need inner connection desperately. That is what true health is. That is what chiropractic, and other forms of natural health care, offer us.
by Claire Fitzpatrick, D.C.
I recently received a wonderful email from a patient of mine. For years, he experienced debilitating back pain. He was often bedridden for two weeks at a time. When he first came to see me, he was suffering from such a flair-up. After three weeks of chiropractic care, his crippling spasms ceased.
Still, he had some pain. During the visit that preceded the email, I had helped him release a very common, recurrent subluxation pattern I see in many patients on the road to recovery. He released it nicely.
Health is a process.
He emailed me afterward to thank me, to say that he noticed a huge change in his yoga practice that day, and that felt particularly healthy and clear. While this was a great report, and I was happy to read it, I knew that it just as easily could have been a report of increased discomfort.
That’s the way of things during the healing process. There is no straight line to perfection. One day is up, one day could be down.
But he will be all right because he is willing to weather his highs and lows. He is “all in” for the long road to personal excellence.
Health is a commitment.
He has a vision of himself free of shocking, debilitating pain, but that’s not all. He has decided that 43 is too young to self-identify as an “old man.” He has seen his father, his mother, his brothers, and his friends get old before their time. He has decided he would not follow them.
At the advice of a friend, he took a chance on chiropractic and me. More importantly, he has taken a chance on himself.
Don’t ignore the engine light.
Once a month, I hold an informational gathering for integrative health professionals. During one of these meetups, a doc made an observation: his patients take better care of their cars than they do themselves.
“What if you only took your car to get serviced when it couldn’t function anymore? Where would you be if you didn’t listen to the little changes — the noises, the lag in pick-up — and didn’t keep it tuned up?”
Many of us do that. We ignore the service light on the dashboard, we hear the knocks and rumblings, but we keep driving until we find ourselves on the side of the road in a cloud of steam and self-flagellation because we knew we should have had the car serviced long before.
But often, we are even more guilty when it comes to our bodies. We count on the fact that our bodies are self-healing mechanisms — and they are. But when the body fails to self-heal, when the nagging pain just doesn’t go away, when we push on and through appointments, commitments, and ideas that the world will collapse if we don’t show up, what keeps us from seeking help?
Why do we treat our bodies worse than the way we treat our cars?
And, who travels the bumpy road of life with you? Who helps you spot the potholes and sharp turns? Who is in the trenches with you, flagging you to the side of the road for a tune up, optimizing your engine so you can speed easily through this crazy race called life at top performance?
These are questions worth considering.
Chiropractic, true health, and you
True health is expressed when our bodies and minds are resilient, flexible, and able to adapt to the ongoing, stresses in our personal inner and outer worlds. That’s what chiropractic is all about.
It is not medicine. You don’t swallow chiropractic.
Chiropractic doesn’t bargain with you. It doesn’t ask you to take a chance with your health, your life, your mental stability, and your family’s stability so that you can deaden your pain. That is why you won’t be “fixed” by one, or two, eight, or ten thousand visits. You won’t be fixed because you aren’t broken.
You are a brilliant, living, breathing being who is changing and adapting to life and living as best as you can. You just need help, like we all need help. Chiropractic offers helping hands.
Chiropractic cannot promise an outcome, but it does promise to do everything it can to help your body reach its optimal potential so that you can have the optimal outcome that is right for you. Chiropractic is here for you.
Chiropractic asks you to have faith in yourself and your ability to heal, to adapt, to grow, to thrive, and to be whoever you want to be. It helps guide your body to help guide you there.
Chiropractic insists on being a good friend, even when you don’t want to hear what it has to say. When you lose faith in yourself and you think chiropractic doesn’t work, chiropractic has faith in you. And, when you’re ready to try again, chiropractic will try with you.
Each adjustment builds healing momentum.
The quickness, power, and longevity of your personal momentum are beyond a chiropractor’s control. Two people may show up with the same symptoms, but they don’t show up with the same past, the same present, nor the same future.
That said, each chiropractic adjustment builds on the last, like exercise, like eating right, like meditating. Each adjustment builds that healing momentum. When you build that momentum in your nervous system, that is when personal miracles happen.
I, as one chiropractor, am honored to be part of your journey. It’s what makes me happy, to see you blossom into the best you that you can be.
In any and all cases, I wish for you a healthy life full of love, peace, and joy.
by Beth van Amerongen
(relevant links & events updated for 2019)
What does Thanksgiving have to do with “Going Dutch”? Well, a lot, actually.
If you are an expat living in the Netherlands and will eventually end up in the U.S., you are following in the footsteps of many of the pilgrims. In a nutshell, an English religious group, which was somewhat rebellious, escaped to the Netherlands for its religious tolerance. They first settled in Amsterdam in 1608, where they founded and worshipped at the English Reform Church in the Begijnhof. After a year, the Amsterdam labor guilds proved too restrictive for them, so they moved to Leiden and settled in the vicinity of the Pieterskerk. Assimilating into their new lives didn’t come easily for everyone, including adapting to the more liberal Dutch morals, so in the fall of 1620, roughly three dozen of these expats sailed on the Mayflower to Plymouth Colony.
It is even hypothesized that the first Thanksgiving meal was influenced by the Relief of Leiden, a holiday held on October 3rd that's celebrated with a thanksgiving service followed by a meal. You can read more about the Dutch pilgrims in these articles:
- A Thanksgiving story: How the Netherlands played a part in the American holiday
- Thanksgiving in the Home of the Pilgrims
- Founding Fathers and the Dutch Origin of Thanksgiving Day
- They Celebrate American Thanksgiving in the Netherlands
The American Book Center has a multitude of resources available for making your Thanksgiving special, including cookbooks and children’s activity books. Visit the ABC website, type “Thanksgiving” and it will yield over 3,600 results! Don’t forget to show your AWCA membership card when you visit them for a 10% discount.
From fresh cranberries and pumpkin available at local supermarkets to restaurants and butchers creating authentic Thanksgiving meals, options abound in Amsterdam and its surrounds. Whether you want to cook an entire meal from scratch, order a catered meal from a butcher, eat at a restaurant, enjoy a pre-Thanksgiving dinner with a Dutch twist, eat pies in Haarlem or attend an Interfaith Service in Leiden where it all began, there is something for everyone here in the land where the pilgrims once dwelled.
Interfaith Worship Service
Thursday, Nov. 28, 11 a.m.: Non-denominational Thanksgiving Day Service in the church where the pilgrims worshipped: the Pieterskerk in Leiden.
- Nov. 10 - Thanksgiving Dinner in the Naarden Vesting (’t Gooi)
- Nov. 28 - Thanksgiving Dinner in Amsterdam
- Nov. 28 - Thanksgiving Pie Night in Haarlem
All AWCA members, partners, and families are welcome to these area events, but space is limited, so be sure to RSVP.
Restaurants with Thanksgiving Meals
Wyer's Restaurant at the Kimpton De Witt Hotel: See AWCA Event above
Seasons Restaurant: Nov. 27-30, 3- and 4-course Thanksgiving dinners
Cafe Belcampo at De Hallen: Nov. 28
Butchers and Grocery Stores
- Slagerij De Leeuw in Amsterdam for a selection of turkeys, stuffing and side dishes (a Tulip Talk advertiser!)
- Butcher Rob in Badhoevedorp
- Reserve a fresh turkey from Chris Kip on the Albert Cuyp Markt or call 06 16 52 04 94.
- Wagenaar Poultry Specialist in Amstelveen
- Hanos for cranberry compote, fresh pumpkin and other specialty ingredients (AWCA members are all eligible for a Hanos membership)
- Marqt for fresh cranberries and pumpkins
- Eichholtz Delicatessen and Tjin's International Foodstore in Amsterdam for canned and packaged ingredients from the U.S.
- Use Albert Heijn online/delivery for a wider selection of products than your local shop. Find items such as cranberry compote, fresh and frozen pumpkin blocks (steam or microwave and puree for pie), American marshmallows and condensed milk.
by Danielle Tomich with Suzanne Vine
(Just for fun, I've included song lyrics in italics, followed by a link to listen to the song. Just a few listens, and you’ll likely be enticed to make your travel plans to London.)
You might be hoping "Hamilton" is all hype so you can save yourself a lot of time and money. Well, I’ve got bad news for you. It’s the real “duel.”
“I’m about to change your life.” (Helpless)
In the musical’s opening, the cast asks about Hamilton, “How does a bastard, orphan, son of a whore and a Scotsman, dropped in the middle of a forgotten spot in the Caribbean by Providence, impoverished, in squalor grow up to be a hero and a scholar?” (Alexander Hamilton) One might ask the same about the show’s creator, Lin Manuel Miranda: how does the son of Puerto Rican immigrant get celebrated by the White House, win a Tony for best musical, win the Pulitzer Prize for Drama and create a box-office phenomenon that’s slated to play on Broadway and London’s West End indefinitely? “Immigrants: We get the job done.” (Yorktown (The World Turned Upside Down))
Only in America. Indeed, "Hamilton" is purely American, from the racial diversity of its cast to the music: hip-hop, rap, R&B, and soul. “We need a revolutionary language to describe a revolution,” Miranda said of his choice for musical genres. But there is truly something for every musical taste, including musical theater and classical and opera references.
You may remember from your history lessons that Hamilton — whose mug graces the 10-dollar bill — was killed in a duel. In "Hamilton," the number ten (Ten Duel Commandments) figures prominently.
In that spirit, here are ten reasons for those (especially Americans) who live in Amsterdam — or anywhere in Europe — to see "Hamilton" in London. It’s a splurge for many of us, but oh, what a splurge.
Number 1: It's"Awesome! Wow!” (What Comes Next?) In the above video, the man in the screen-in-screen is "Hamilton" creator Lin Manuel Miranda commenting about the show on opening night in London.
Number 2: What a great excuse to go to London (as if you need one). “Look around! Look around!” (That Would Be Enough)
Number 3: If it’s good enough for Harry and Meghan, it’s good enough for you and me. The royal couple saw the show on August 29 of this year. Prince Harry is a direct descendant of King George III, his sixth-great-grandfather. To the delight of the audience, and with no shortage of irony, the Prince sang the first two words to a song sung by his on-stage ancestor: “You say the price of my love's not a price that you're willing to pay. You cry in your tea which you hurl in the sea when you see me go by. Why so sad? Remember we made an arrangement when you went away. Now you're making me mad. Remember despite our estrangement, I'm your man.” (You’ll Be Back)
Number 4: “Why should a tiny island across the sea regulate the price of tea?” (Farmer Refuted) If seeing King George on stage puts you in the mood for a proper cup of tea, there is no shortage of tea parlors in London. It’s true that the tea in Great Britain is better than in America. I’ve heard it said that the Britons send the tea swept from the floor to the U.S. Perhaps they are still upset over the spilled tea? At any rate, choose any of these tea rooms and treat yourself to a delightfully British tradition.
Number 5: For an American, there’s something delicious about seeing "Hamilton" in the land of King George. Hamilton was, of course, instrumental in the defeat of the British Army in the American Revolution and establishing a country that would eventually surpass England as a world power.
I heard a lot of American accents in the theater the night we went, and it made me curious how popular the play is with British people. There certainly were a lot of laughs when we heard the King sing, “You’ll be back. Time will tell. You’ll remember that I served you well. Oceans rise. Empires fall. We have seen each other through it all. And when push comes to shove, I will send a fully armed battalion to remind you of my love." (You’ll Be Back)
I later came across the above news entertainment segment about how a London audience would react to "Hamilton." It includes part of an interview with the stars of the British cast, above. They weren't too keen on the interviewer referring to the British as the losers.
Number 6: The recently renovated Victoria Palace Theater is a beautiful place to be “in the room where it happens.” (The Room Where it Happens)
Number 7: It couldn’t be easier to get there. When you pop up from the tube at Victoria, the theatre is just a few steps away. No parking hassles or fees, no long confusing walks. “Meet me inside.” (Meet Me Inside)
Number 8: You’ll save a bundle on tickets, compared to what you’d pay in New York. We got great seats in the orchestra section for £100. (In today's exchange rates, that's $128 or €112.) Official ticket prices range from £32.50 to £200. “They only take British money, so sing a song of sixpence.” (Stay Alive)
Number 10: Tickets are exchangeable and even refundable. “What the hell is the catch?” (Satisfied) The first time I searched, about three weeks before our trip, I could only find matinee tickets. I bought one for myself but would have rather purchased two evening tickets so I could go with my husband, who was working during the day. The website said that exchanges were possible starting 10 days before each performance, so at that time I got on the website and found two evening seats together, which I purchased. To my amazement, I was actually able to get a refund on my matinee ticket! (Hint: when you’re in the Ticketmaster website and want a refund, click on “Hamilton” in the drop-down menu that asks the reason for your request. That takes you to a special section where Ticketmaster treats people like human beings. Thanks, Hamilton. “At least he was honest with our money!” (The Reynolds Pamphlet)
"Your Obedient Servants," (Your Obedient Servant)
D dot Tom & S dot Vine
by Rhonda Jimenez
Before we start making our shopping list for the XL Albert Heijn to find canned pumpkin and frozen turkey, let’s take a moment to take a closer look at our beloved holiday and its origins.
Did the first Thanksgiving happen in Plymouth Colony, Massachusetts?
Actually, the first Thanksgiving in America occurred in 1541. Francisco Vasquez de Coronado and his expedition held a celebration of thanks in Palo Duro Canyon in the Texas panhandle. Many cultures during that time celebrated the harvest with a community meal including Europeans and Native Americans.
Weren't the Pilgrims strict religious Puritans who came to the colonies to escape persecution from England?
Technically, they came from Leiden, the Netherlands. When the eventual colonists first wanted to leave the Church of England, the Dutch took them in. Back then, in England, you could be fined for attending unofficial, non-state churches. The leaders found that Amsterdam had a tolerance for their religion and provided a great opportunity for business. They later moved to the city of Leiden to take factory jobs that didn’t require knowledge of Dutch. After about 15 years, the settlers became concerned that their children were becoming too secular and feared the congregation would soon give in to the sinful vices of the Dutch. Plans to move to the New England area of the U.S. were made.
What about the Native Americans?
According to Ramona Peters, the Mashpee Wampanoag tribe’s tribal historic preservation officer, it didn’t happen the way Americans have traditionally been taught (fake news back in the 1800s?). There was a treaty made between the natives and pilgrims and there was a meal to celebrate that treaty. The natives, ravaged by disease, needed to make an alliance as much as the newcomers needed their help to live off the land. It was more business and survival than unity and peace. It was President Abraham Lincoln who declared the first official Thanksgiving during the Civil War. He “made up the story about a feast between opposing sides joined in unity and celebration of the harvest,” said Peters. Lincoln wanted to sew a separated country back together, and created a story to inspire that spirit of unity.
But there was turkey, right?
Another well-believed misconception. Most experts believe fowl, ducks, and deer were consumed, but not turkey. Much of the traditional food found on today’s Thanksgiving table originated from the cuisine of the 1800s when the holiday began to take hold.
by Phyllis Larkin, Psy.D
Geriatric and Family Psychologist
Last month we discussed ways to deal with a medical crisis from abroad. This month I will delve into the legal documents that should be established and/or reviewed to make caring from abroad easier on you and your loved one. This month we will focus on “Medical Grab Bag” documents. (Next month: financial documents.)
With an ill or aging loved one in your life, you will need a “Medical Grab Bag” that contains all the documents your loved one and their doctors will need to respond to medical needs and wishes for emergencies and end-of-life care. Each bag (or envelope) should have the completed documents. The Medical Grab Bags should be in the car, the home, and with loved ones when traveling.
Medical Grab Bag Documents:
- HIPAA Release forms for each doctor
- Medicare Card
- Supplemental Medicare Insurance Card
- Medication List with Provider and pharmacy contact information
- Durable Power of Attorney
- Living Will/Advanced Directive
You may feel overwhelmed at the list, however, your loved ones’ doctors are familiar with all these documents. We'll review a few of them here.
I suggest you let your loved one know you want to be their advocate in the case of accident, injury or illness, and that you need to know their wishes in order to advocate for them. By having this tough conversation, you can serve them as they have served you. (We have been discussing how to approach this topic in the Caring from Abroad Support Group. Come and join us!)
HIPAA Release Form (Medical information release)
The Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act, also known as HIPAA, was created in 1996 by the U.S. Congress to protect the privacy of your health information. The act prohibits your health care providers from releasing your healthcare information unless you have provided them with a HIPAA release form. Unless you have provided a signed release form, health care providers are prohibited from discussing any aspect of your medical information with anyone who is not directly involved in your care. A HIPAA Release does not give you the authority to make medical decisions. You will need POLST, Medical Power of Attorney, or DNR.
A HIPAA Medical release form allows whomever on the release to talk to the physician. It’s wise to have a release form for each physician, insurance carrier, and financial obligations. The identified person will have full access to both medical and financial information so that they can speak and write to health care providers and billing personnel. This form does not give you power for medical decisions.
- General practitioner or gerontologist
- Any specialists involved in your loved one's care
- Insurance companies
- Hospitals/institutions/medical centers
- Assisted living
- Pharmacy (local and mail order)
What is a POLST form?
POLST stands for Physician Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment. It’s a one-page form, usually on bright pink paper, that specifies the end-of-life treatments that someone does or doesn’t want. Copies are valid.
Why a POLST?
If your loved one stops breathing or their heart stops beating, EMTs and hospitals must follow the instructions on a POLST because it’s a medical order signed by a doctor. It’s legally recognized in many, but not all, U.S. states.
A POLST is usually recommended for terminally ill or very frail seniors who have made their end-of-life wishes clear.
Where to post your POLST?
A POLST is only honored if people know it exists. Make sure doctors, hospitals, and assisted living communities have the form on file and/or post it prominently in your senior’s room. Print copies on neon colored paper for your Medical Grab Bag and for family members.
At home, it is wise to have multiple copies:
- On the fridge and/or bedside table for EMTs
- Glove compartment Medical Grab Bag (Medicare cards, Medicare supplemental Cards, Physicians’ names and contact info, family contact info, Advance Directive, POLST, Living Will)
- All family members who may interact with medical personnel or EMTs
What is a DNR?
DNR stands for Do Not Resuscitate, and it is also a signed medical order written by a doctor. It tells health care providers and emergency medical personnel not to do CPR on your loved one if they stop breathing or if their heart stops beating.
The DNR is only a decision about CPR (cardiopulmonary resuscitation). It does not affect any other treatments, such as pain medicine, other medicines, or nutrition.
For doctor’s orders about other end-of-life treatments, your loved one may want a POLST instead.
POLST vs. DNR: The most important difference
The primary difference between POLST and DNR is that a POLST covers a variety of end-of-life treatments. A DNR only gives instructions about CPR. (DNR=CPR)
With a POLST, seniors can specify:
- If they do or don’t want CPR
- What type of life-prolonging medical interventions they’d want on top of comfort care, if any
- Under what circumstances they would want to be moved to a hospital
- If they would want a feeding tube, and if so, for how long
With only a DNR, during an emergency, decisions about other interventions or treatments beyond CPR would be left to EMTs or hospitals.
Why do seniors need a POLST or a DNR?
Without a DNR or POLST, hospitals and EMTs are required to do their best to resuscitate someone who is not breathing or doesn’t have a heartbeat. They cannot stop these efforts without a signed medical order.
How to get a POLST or DNR
After talking with your loved one, discuss their end-of-life preferences with their doctor. The doctor should have access to the appropriate forms for your senior’s state and must sign the official form. They can also make sure the form is filled out accurately and completely so it won’t be rejected during an emergency.
It’s essential to use a form that’s legally recognized in your loved one’s state. No matter which forms are legally recognized, it’s important to discuss end-of-life preferences with their doctor. They can advise you on how to ensure those wishes will be carried out.
How a living will and POLST work together
To make sure your loved one's wishes will be honored in any situation, they should have both a living will and POLST. Keep them in your Medical Grab Bag so you can show them to doctors, hospital staff, and EMTs.
POLST vs. living will
|Age requirement||For any age||For age 18 and older|
|Who can use it?||Only those who are seriously ill or frail||Anyone regardless of current health|
|How is it used?||To direct immediate medical treatment||To direct future decisions about medical treatments|
|Tells EMTs & hospitals what medical treatments can be used in an emergency||YES||NO|
|Guides patient treatment when staying in a facility or hospital||YES||YES|
|Appoints someone to make health care decisions on your behalf||NO||YES|
Durable Power of Attorney for Healthcare
A medical power of attorney (also known as a health care power of attorney or durable power of attorney for health care) is a legal document that authorizes someone you trust (called an agent, attorney-in-fact, or surrogate) to make medical decisions on your behalf. The agent only has this authority if it is determined by your doctor that you are incapable of making such decisions, or you are unable to communicate your wishes, if you’re in a coma, for example. -Edward A. Haman, Esq., October 2015
An advanced directive expresses your wishes regarding medical treatment in very specific situations. It is more limited than a health care power of attorney. A living will does not appoint anyone to make decisions for you, and only applies if you are in a terminal condition, or in a permanent unconscious condition. A few states also permit a living will to be effective when “the burdens of treatment outweigh the expected benefits.” Therefore, if you are temporarily incapacitated but are expected to recover from an illness or injury, a living will does not come into play and does not allow someone to make treatment decisions for you. Only a medical power of attorney would help in this situation.
A living will and a medical power of attorney may be incorporated into a single document or can be separate documents. -Edward A. Haman, Esq., October 2015
How a living will or advanced directive works
A living will / advanced directive is a legal document that contains your loved one's end-of-life preferences. When decisions need to be made about future treatments, a living will guides the health care agent to make choices that honor their wishes.
Because a living will isn’t a medical order, it can’t tell EMTs and hospitals what to do. Even if resuscitation or other end-of-life choices are specified, they can’t be honored. Standard emergency medical protocols must be followed unless a doctor’s orders say otherwise.
Living wills are more useful in non-emergency situations like when someone is in a hospital or skilled nursing facility.
What’s the difference between a Durable Power of Attorney for Healthcare and an Advance Directive?
Here is a quick comparison between the Durable Power of Attorney for Health and the Advance Directive:
|Medical Power of Attorney||Advanced Directive|
|Must be created by an Attorney||Yes||No|
|Allows you to clearly state your health care wishes||No||Yes|
|Requires Notarized Signatures||Yes||No|
|Considered a Legal Document||Yes||Yes|
by Danielle Tomich
“Mama, hold ‘mine’ hand.” (We never did figure out where he got that —“mine” instead of “my”— maybe it was a foreshadowing of our feeble attempts to speak Dutch.) But as a child, our son Nick asked this often, and I was always happy to hold his soft, dimpled hand. Now 21 and over six feet tall, he takes my hand in his big one as we sit in the backseat of an Uber, speeding to the airport. I try to remember the last time he wanted to hold my hand, and the tears flow even faster. Now we both need a hand to hold. Neither of us wants to say goodbye.
Nick is returning to the U.S. to start his senior year in college. He just spent his fourth — and final — summer with us in Amsterdam. This goodbye is especially painful because it’s the end of several eras, none of which we want to end: the last of his carefree student summers, our last summer in Europe, and indeed the last months of our time living here. I don’t want to say goodbye to any of this, and especially not to him.
Time insists on marching on, but today I wished for it to freeze — like I have so many times before. Every goodbye, every transition with our children has been heart-wrenching for me. Luckily for us, and in spite of my reluctance to let go, each new era has been as good (or better) than the last. But I cannot bank on that. I know that there are no guarantees in life. It’s scary and sad to let go of this very happy time in our lives.
I am grieving the loss of our son’s everyday presence and the end of his childhood. And yet I look to the future with hope. I miss that little boy, but I love the young man he is now. I even get to hold his hand now, it seems, on very special occasions. I will miss those sweet, slow summers with him (and our daughter, too), but I am excited for him to start his adult life. I look forward to seeing what our new experiences together will be.
Shakespeare said it best: Parting is such sweet sorrow. The memories we made this summer make it hard to say goodbye, but the sweetness we shared is worth the sorrow I feel now. Bittersweet.
My favorite memories don’t involve the museums, churches, or vistas that we’ve seen together. The best memories are of times at home in Amsterdam. Hanging out on our rooftop, listening to music for hours, challenging each other to “name that tune” and talking about the memories the music brings up. Making dinner together, Nick teaching us as much as we taught him. Walking along the endless canals, talking about nothing in particular, trying to absorb it all. Enjoying his pleasure in living in this beautiful, historical place. Mostly, I remember the easy feeling of being with him.
That’s what I need to remember now: that I love being with him no matter where we are and no matter what our circumstances. The eras will change, but we will essentially be the same people. When we meet again for Christmas in Seattle, after we move to Boston, and wherever any of us go after that, we will still be the same family.
And, as my friends ahead of me in the parenting journey have intimated, he may be back under our roof sooner than I expect. That, too, will be bittersweet. For now, I continue to search for — and savor — the sweet and tolerate the sorrow. I know Nick and I will always be close, and that’s the sweetest taste of all.
Even so, I could use a bit of dark chocolate about now. And a hand to hold.
by Rhonda Jimenez
Craving the comforts of home? A juicy Black Angus burger? Read on, meat lovers. You don’t have to wait until you’re Stateside to enjoy a tasty burger. American burgers in Amsterdam may sound like a contradiction, but there are some tasty burger joints in the 'Dam. Here is a collection of some of the best burgers.
Best Basic Burger: The Butcher, Nine Streets, Foodhallen, and Albert Cuypstraat
The Butcher offers basic burgers without fancy toppings (no truffle mayo here). There are two locations: a fancy eatery located in the chic W hotel and the original on Albert Cuypstraat (this location has a secret backdoor into the speakeasy late night but you need to be on the list).
Best Burger with a View: Ellis, Prinsengracht, Gravenstraat, and Singel
Dine on the canal’s edge and choose from veggie, chicken, lamb and fish burgers.
Best Build Your Own Burger: Burger Bar, De Pijp, Kolksteeg, Regulierbreestraat, and Warmoesstraat
Choose the meat, fixings, and bun for a custom burger.
Most Fattening Burger: Burgerfabriek, Regulierbreestraat, Warmoesstraat and Nieuwendijk
Try the wagyu and foie gras.
Best Vegan Burger: Vegan Junk Food Bar, De Pijp or Oud West
Try the kapsaloon (loaded fries).
Best Fast Food Burger: Five Guys Burgers, various locations
This one doesn’t technically make the list, but Five Guys Burgers now have locations in Almere and Utrecht (along with several others in the Netherlands). My son and friends often hop the train from Amsterdam Centraal to Utrecht for a fix. It’s conveniently located right in the Utrecht Centraal station.
by Phyllis Larkin, Psy.D
Geriatric and Family Psychologist
You’re going about your life, and then the call or text comes: Mom or Dad is in the hospital and you have to make decisions quickly.
Here is some practical advice that will help you determine what to do and when to do it.
Don’t rush to the airport yet. Give yourself time to gather information and digest the information you receive. Don’t expect logical thinking from yourself or others until the full scope of the situation is known. If you rush in and start making decisions, other family members may feel “swooped-in-on” and resentful: “Sure, now you come home from your glamorous European life. I have been here dealing with the day-to-day grind…..”
Assess the situation. Get as much medical information as possible to find out what your loved one’s status is: physically, cognitively, and emotionally. Are they in ICU, CCU, post-op? If you are not physically present, medical professionals won’t be able to speak with you without your loved one’s permission, usually in writing. Physicians are very busy and may not be available in your time zone. Contacting the hospital social worker can be very helpful. The social worker can be an advocate for your loved one and help you get the information you need. After the initial crisis, you will need to know your loved one's ability to perform Activities of Daily Living (ADLs) after discharge. (Examples of ADLs are cooking, eating, meds, bathing, dressing, shopping, bill-paying etc.) This will help you determine what type of care your loved one will need after their hospital stay and how long you may need to be available.
Figure out where you fit in. Identify your area of expertise. Finances? Running the household? Hands-on caregiving? Care coordination? Consider the possibility that you may be of more help in sending money, coordinating care, or paying bills online, etc. If you decide to go home, it may be better to wait and help out after Mom is released from skilled nursing and needs someone at home with her. This will give you a chance to get time off, coordinate schedules and be more effective on the ground once you’re stateside.
Ask for help. Hire or call in favors for areas that you can’t fulfill. “I can pay the bills online. Can Sally talk to the doctors?” “I can call/Skype every day at 8 a.m. to make sure Mom is taking her meds and out of bed. Can you check on her weekly?” “Can Dad’s neighbor across the street stop by and pick up the mail? Can she let me know if Dad is lonely, in pain, or needs anything?"
Critical information. Keep all data on a thumb drive or a secure cloud account so that it is easily accessible from anywhere. An old smartphone without internet access can be a great place to store passwords and financial data. Critical information includes doctors' contact information, hospital contact information, Medicare and SSI information, financial and legal documents, POLST (Physicians Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment), Advanced Directives, medical files, friends and family contact information, banking information, and monthly bills.
Once you have the information, talk with a trusted friend or family member and discuss your options. Be honest about what you can and can’t do.
A ticket for the next plane out may not be the best solution. A flight the next day or even the next week might be better.
By Lauren Mescon
How can I possibly share all the great food experiences I’ve had in Amsterdam? My head almost exploded at the task …so many places, so little time!
Here are a few of our favorites, loosely grouped by food type. From Michelin-starred restaurants to holes in the wall, this town offers it all.
High-end, expensive restaurants
— For a once-in-a-lifetime experience, go to De Librije in Zwolle. It is the only 3-star Michelin restaurant in the Netherlands. After a drink at the bar, the fun begins when you’re escorted to your table. Each of the courses is more creative than the previous. The first was a shell containing caviar held by a black rubber glove that had been filled with water and frozen. One of the desserts was coffee that was also served on an ice pack. The monkfish course was the best I have ever tasted, and I am not a monkfish fan. (They had no problem with food restrictions, either.) Our five-hour meal was part food, part art, and part theatre. Our wine pairings even included a Dutch wine (not great though, aroma of asparagus!). You can also sign up for the Saturday overnight package and spend the night in the hotel, which was formerly a women’s prison. You will be greeted at reception with gin and tonics, then you can check into your room and tour the town. It is a typical Dutch town and has a fantastic museum, Museum de Fundatie. The next morning, a multi-course breakfast is again a creative assault of the senses. Do not plan to leave early!
— To celebrate our first “Amsterdammiversary,” we went to Restaurant Vinkeles at The Dylan Hotel. It's a 1-star Michelin, and it’s absolutely lovely. I ordered Dover Sole. It was perfect, and I think the best I have had to this day. Several amuse-bouches added to the experience, and the sommelier suggested an outstanding rosé. Although it was 3½ years ago, the review I wrote on Trip Advisor still gets the most likes of any of my reviews, so I’m guessing it's still fabulous!
— Moon is a revolving restaurant at the A’Dam Toren, just a ferry ride across the Ij. The view is the best 360 in the city, with amazing sunsets. The chef’s tasting menu changes often, so check it out. We took our son and daughter-in-law when they visited — they are the real foodies. (We're faux foodies; we eat too fast and don’t savor.) This is a special occasion restaurant, so if you ever want to "fly someone to the moon," take them there. (If you are adventurous, get on the tallest swing in Europe on the top of the tower. The ride lasts only a minute, albeit a long one, but it’s so much fun. Just make sure you wait to get your drinks until afterward.)
— John Dory on Prinsengracht is the best upscale fish restaurant, in my opinion. All of the fish is Dutch-sourced and changes daily. What makes it so unique is that you order a certain number of courses, and that’s it. They take care of the rest. I just learned they also have vegetarian and meat options as well. Try to reserve on the early side so you'll have a better chance of sitting by the big window overlooking the canal.
A Taste of Dutch
— Restaurant d’Vijff Vlieghen, (the Five Flies) on Spui is a beautiful old restaurant. It's a dark maze of dining rooms set in canal houses from the 1600s: you could dine beneath a Rembrandt etching. The dishes are tasty classic Dutch. Make sure to check the brass plate on your chair to see what famous person sat there before you! This is a great place to go for a romantic dinner, but also to take guests that want a nice white tablecloth dinner. It's like dining in a museum, plus the food and wine list are both very good.
— Our go-to for everyone that comes into town is Restaurant Haesje Claes, also located on Spui. It is truly Dutch food, with a seasonal menu. The starters include all of the Dutch staples: herring, mackerel and croquettes, and the mains include hutspot (a.k.a. stamppot), beef, cod, and mussels. If you are a vegetarian, try the vegetarian stamppot – it's delicious and you'll be stuffed! The restaurant is always busy, but don’t be put off by the tourists — there are plenty of locals, too. The staff is amazingly friendly and the portions are large. Make a reservation, but if you have to wait, go to their bar next door for a beer; it makes the wait go faster. If you decide just to stay there and order, they’ll bring your food over from the restaurant.
— Moeders (a.k.a. Mother's) on Rozengracht is another Dutch classic. You really do need reservations, but occasionally you can get lucky and just walk in. It is one huge room (huge being a relative term) and the walls are covered with pictures of random mothers. It is a very fun, campy place and the menu is equally campy. The specialty for visitors is their Hollandse Rijstafel, which includes beef, potatoes, and sausage, in many different forms. They have plenty of options for vegetarians and fish eaters, so not to worry. It's a very fun place with friendly staff.
There’s so much good sushi in this town!
— Izakaya, located on the Albert Cuypstraat, is particularly non-Dutch, in that you are limited in how long you can stay when you book. When you do book it, make sure to specify you want a table, unless you don’t mind sitting on stools at a long bar. It can also be very loud and is populated by a younger crowd. If you want a fantastic “Japanese grill with South American influences” experience, request the booth by the kitchen, then order the chef’s menu and get a bottle of sake. It’s all absolutely fantastic, and it includes sushi and wagyu beef. (They will honor food restrictions in the tasting menu.) They also have a delicious duck, a la carte. You can also tell the waiter your favorite tastes, and the chef will put something together for you. It is pricey, but worth it for a special night or a celebration — or if you prefer spending money on food over shoes.
— Just as tasty but without the ambiance or buzz is Dragon I, located on Amstelveenseweg. It is also a fraction of the price, with dishes ranging from €4.50 to a Sashimi mix for €16.50. All of the usual dishes are there: edamame, miso, spicy rolls, etc., and they also have a very good duck pancake. Go any time and often, but it doesn’t hurt to have a reservation.
Barbecue: For a southerner, it's a must!
There are two great places here for the BBQ fan: Pendergast Smokehouse and Carnivore. Both places have fabulous slow-cooked meats, including beef ribs, sides of mac and cheese, cornbread, beans, slaw and more. My friends like to debate which one is better so just choose the one closest to home and go for it!
— Pendergast Smokehouse, on Groen van Prinstererstraat, is small, so a reservation is a must, but the food is just as promised: real Kansas City BBQ.
— Carnivore on Amstelveenseweg is a bit larger, so you are more likely to get in if you forgot to reserve.
Indonesian Rijstafel: the best “Dutch” food the Netherlands has to offer
Whenever we have visitors, the first thing we offer is Indonesian food. Decide which experience you want and choose from there. The food at all three of these Indonesian restaurants is delicious and something that should not be missed by visitors.
— I am sure there will be lots of disagreement with this, but we regularly go to Sama Sebo, on P.C. Hoofstraat. It is said to be the oldest Indonesian restaurant in the Netherlands, and I think neither the décor nor the waitstaff has changed since it opened. Make a reservation and go hungry. The service is prompt and efficient. They are always happy to snap a photo and will bring you extra things if you run out. Also feel free to tell them if you prefer more chicken than beef or veggies and they will accommodate you. Their command of the English language isn't great (albeit much better than my Dutch or Indonesian), but they know how to serve a great rijstafel and explain the dishes. They also have vegetarian crackers if you don’t like the shrimp ones.
— As a back-up, we often go to Sampurna, located in the Bloemenmarkt. It has all of the same dishes and probably offers a bit more variety than Sama Sebo. (Be sure to reserve in the front of the restaurant if you are the least bit claustrophobic, as the back has no windows and low ceilings.) The staff is very friendly and, again, while their English is not the best, they will offer suggestions for which rijstafel to choose.
— I would be remiss if I didn't mention Restaurant Blauw Amsterdam on Amstelveenseweg. Many of my friends take their guests there, as it is more modern, with clean lines and high ceilings. It can be crowded and noisy, and during my visits, it’s usually been full of Americans.
Best Italian in the city
There are two restaurants that I find amazingly authentic and delicious: Risto Enoteca PepeNero and Lo Stivale d’Oro.
— Make reservations in advance for PepeNero on Eerste Oosterparkstraat. The portions are ample and the service unhurried. If it's warm enough, sit outside. We had the best cod there, and I will not hesitate to go back to order the homemade pasta with tomato sauce and amazing fresh parmesan, prepared in the parmesan wheel. My mouth is watering! I love tiramisu, but this one is served deconstructed, so if you like it that way with very strong coffee as the key ingredient, try it out.
— Lo Stivale d’Oro, on Amstelstraat, is located five minutes from the National Opera and Ballet, so it is perfect for a pre-theatre dinner, but of course, go early! It feels like you’re in Italy, crowded and with all of the favorites: antipasto, spaghetti, lasagna, gnocchi, and pizzas, plus delicious desserts of tiramisu, profiteroles, Tartufo and sgroppino!
One last one…
— Krua Thai is the best Thai I have had here. Located on Staalstraat, it is a cozy restaurant with authentic Thai food. No visit is complete without an order of Miang Kham, deliciousness wrapped in wild pepper leaf. Make a reservation as space is limited and it's very popular!
by Claire Fitzpatrick, D.C.
Some of us have trouble with moderation. I know I do.
Like many of us, I tend toward an addictive personality. That means that, if I don’t watch myself, I get attached to people, behaviors, and things that aren’t good for me. If I let them, they ruin my life.
At different points, I have been addicted to approval, bad relationships, cynicism, and despair. All of these are deadly to a healthy, effective, happy life.
For 20 years, I was a 1 ½ pack-a-day smoker. It was hard, but I quit for good 20 years ago. I can never go back to smoking. I cannot smoke in moderation.
Alcohol has an addictive potential for me. So far, it has not had a hold on me as cigarettes did. But I know it could if I let it. Back in the 1990s, when my previous marriage broke down, I drank quite a bit to self-medicate. It only made things worse. In 2000, when I finally decided to do something meaningful with my life, I enrolled in chiropractic school. I quit drinking for five whole years. Afterward, I carefully reintroduced wines and spirits back into my life. Ever since then, I have had great respect for alcohol’s power.
Before I drink, I try to choose when, what, and how much I am going to drink, because making those judgments while drinking doesn’t work. Many of us are unable to drink alcohol, even in moderation. I applaud, honor, respect, and support those reclaiming their lives from alcohol and other addictive drugs. Some of us may not have that level of addiction, but may suspect that, lately, we are “enjoying” our evening beverages too much. It might even be starting to worry us.
If you find yourself in this situation, don’t beat yourself up. Just make sure you are not confusing the act of enjoying with self-medicating, and act accordingly. Here are some healthy, effective tools I have found that keep me in check if I ever find myself looking forward to five o’clock a little too much.
Eat something. If I forget to eat, the urge to reflexively grab a glass of wine in the evening is much stronger than if I have had a nice, low-glycemic afternoon snack, along with some fresh, filtered water.
Dr. Claire’s 4:20 Trail Mix
½ cup organic lightly salted sprouted mixed nuts
½ cup organic semi-sweet dark chocolate chips
¼ cup organic raisins
1/3 cup organic dried cherries
1/8 cup organic sprouted sunflower seeds
Mix together and eat by the fistful. 2-3 should do it. Yum.
Meditate. Meditating calms the nerves, releases stress, increases energy, and rests your brain and body, even while you’re awake. Do this meditation before happy hour or before sampling the cooking wine.
Dr. Claire’s 4:20 Meditation
Lock your door, set your phone to silent. Set the alarm for 20 minutes.
Put on some nature sounds or some trippy Tibetan bowl music. Dim the lights.
Sit in a high-backed chair, get in the lotus position, or in a comfortable lying position. Just make sure your spine is straight.
Turn your palms up in your lap or toward the sky if you’re lying down.
Press your tongue to the roof of your mouth, turn your closed eyes upward toward your forehead like you’re looking up. Imagine a blue moon with a halo against a misty midnight sky (it’s a meditation thing).
Breathe deeply into your belly (not shoulders), and out, to the count of 4.
On the inhale, say silently to yourself, “So.” On the exhale, say, “Hum.” (Also a meditation thing.)
Do this for 20 minutes. You’ll be shocked how fast the time flies, and how great you’ll feel afterward.
Take a brisk walk. Brisk walking is different from rushing. Rushing triggers an adrenal hormone release, which isn’t necessarily bad, but in this case, it triggers the fight-flight response because you rush when you’re on someone else’s time. Brisk walking also releases adrenaline, but because you are walking for yourself, it is a positive rush instead of a negative rush. It also releases endorphins and factors that give a sense of clarity and calm.
Dr. Claire’s 4:20 “Suburban Shuffle”
Find a nice, scenic route with as little cross traffic as possible.
Briskly walk for 20 minutes. Stretch your legs wide enough that you feel your rear end tighten as you walk. Swing your arms deliberately as you walk to increase your cardio and to strengthen your upper arms.
Enjoy the scenery. Then go join your friends.
Do you have your own story? How do you handle the razor’s edge of addictive urges? Let me know.
by Phyllis Larkin, Psy.D.
What is my role now?
Moving abroad creates internal and external stressors that can’t be understood by those we love in the States. And those we love in the U.S. have stressors we cannot understand because we aren’t there. This lack of shared experience causes incredible emotional upheaval in most families. Add an aging parent with health or financial problems and things can get explosive. Old family dynamics will likely resurface with a vengeance. Siblings can revert to their 8-year-old selves and parents are likely to become emotionally childish also. If it’s like everyone is reading lines from a play, they are! Every family has its own script, and every member plays a role. In healthy families, everyone plays all the roles depending on life's circumstances. We all are human, we all make mistakes, we all feel lost, we all have humor, we all get hurt, we all need support.
Knowing your roles and strengths can help you be of service without feeling overwhelmed. Here is a list of typical family roles I have adapted from Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse.
Identified Patient: An aging parent living in a constant state of chaos, they feel overwhelmed and unable to cope with problems and difficult feelings. As a result, they become overly dependent, may burn bridges through angry outbursts, lie about their health and/or finances, and manipulate those around them in an attempt to get the help they need. They may isolate themselves and can become secretive to prevent their children or spouse from knowing the truth of the situation. They may blame others (scapegoat/caregiver) for their problems. This creates negative effects for the entire family. Their role is changing from one of power to one of dependency. All other roles in the family are changing as a result of the aging parents’ declining health.
Hero (Savior/Messiah); The family hero is your typical “Type A” personality: a hard-working, overachieving perfectionist. Through achievements, the hero tries to bring the family together and create a sense of predictability. This role is usually taken on because the hero fears failing or being controlled by others. They seek to give hope and stability to the rest of the family by being the “Rock of Gibraltar.” Unfortunately, the driving need to “do everything right” tends to put an extreme amount of pressure on the hero, leaving them highly anxious and susceptible to stress-related illnesses. Other family members will often resent this person for having too much power and control over decisions and finances. Heros and scapegoats often trade roles within the family as the hero becomes exhausted and needs help. Heros need to be taken seriously, but this prevents them from being fun. If they can learn to say no and accept imperfection, they can accept the help they need, relax and have fun.
Caregiver/Victim/Enabler/Secret-Keeper: The goal of this role is to provide care and safety for the identified patient. While most often a spouse, this role can also be taken on by an adult child. In order to “protect” the family, enablers convince themselves that there isn’t a problem, or that they alone can take care of it. In order to diminish the seriousness of the situation, they make excuses for others behavior. Warm, loving, compassionate and fiercely loyal, they have lots of information about the reality of the identified patient’s situation. This person feels overwhelmed by the identified patients secrets, but can’t tell anyone for fear of betraying someone they love. This can result in appearing clueless, apologetic, avoidant, indecisive, or controlling. They are often blamed for the problems of the identified patient, and then react with anger and control to protect themselves and the identified patient. Caregivers, they often sacrifice their own health to care for others. They are loyal, responsible, and fearful for the wellbeing of those they love. They are great problem solvers if they can accept the reality of the situation and accept help from others without controlling the process. They can be counted on to follow through and need to maintain firm boundaries so they don’t get exploited or exploit others.
Lost Child/Loner/AWOL: Shy, withdrawn, and sometimes thought of as “invisible” to the rest of the family, the loner can feel unable to express feelings and is often lonely. They don’t seek attention from other family members, especially when a crisis is present within the family. A typical perception is “At least we don’t have to worry about Harry.” Lost children put off making decisions, have trouble with forming intimate relationships, and choose to spend time on solitary activities as a way to cope with feeling judged and unimportant. Good listeners (because they don’t share their opinion) and often creative, they can come up with unique solutions to family problems. They are often resented for not “showing up;” however, they are also not asked to show up and are often kept “out of the loop.” They can be excellent negotiators and can feel needed at times of crisis if they are asked. If they can learn to speak up and share their opinion they can be a good resource for caregivers.
Mascot/Clown: In trying to deflect the stress of the situation by supplying humor, they aren’t taken seriously. Fragile, vulnerable, and needing the approval of others, mascots are hiding deep pain and fears of inadequacy. Providing comic relief is a defense against feeling pain and fear that is overwhelming. Mascots often grow up to self-medicate with alcohol, drugs, food or work. Mascots can also be helpful in bringing lightness and humor to difficult situations. Hard working and responsible, they can also help the family express difficult emotions, and become leaders in times of stress.
Scapegoat/Black Sheep: Blamed for the family’s problems because they act out the hurt, rejection, and shame of the family, the scapegoat offers the family a sense of purpose by providing someone else to blame. “If only Jack would get his act together!” Their behavior expresses the family’s collective frustration, anger, and failure through impulsivity and risk-taking while shielding the identified patient from blame and resentment. If the family is focused on the black sheep, they aren’t focused on the identified patient or the caregiver. When scapegoats get older, males tend to act out, while females may run away or participate in troubled relationships. Scapegoats can become truth-tellers, identifying the obvious problems and helping the family come to grips with the new reality of the identified patient’s failing health. If the black sheep can help the identified patient in concrete ways and be recognized for their positive contribution, they can relieve some of the burdens on the caregiver. This role has the most power to change if they can learn to speak the truth without anger or manipulation. They can finally feel good by being good and taking appropriate risks. They can become good leaders and be helpful to the hero if allowed.
It very important to realize roles tend to be rigid; however, if one person changes their lines, the other players have to change their responses. Roles in healthy families are flexible and interchangeable. Changes are most likely during times of crisis and stress. Your power resides in your truth when it is expressed with grace and dignity and when listening to the reality of your loved ones. You may be far away, but that doesn’t mean you’re not a resource for those you love.
by Allison Ochs, M.S.W.
Change Edit Management
When my daughter was eight, I went to pick her up from sailing on a Wednesday afternoon. I merrily walked through the harbor in my cute summer dress, very pleased with my life abroad. There I was on the shores of Lake Geneva, and my adorable daughter was sailing and speaking French to other children. As I approached, she smiled and looked up as I introduced myself to her new trainer with my very pronounced accent, "Bonjour, je suis la maman de Carli" (Hi, I'm Carli's mom). He looked me up and down as if I was some weird creature from Mars, not the cute mom of this adorable little French-speaking girl. He then he looked at Carli; everyone was staring at us and I realized how much Carli wanted me to be like all the other moms, without the accent, the bold personality and overly excited approach to life. I explained I was American, mentally shrugged and the two of us started chattering in English as we walked away with everyone's eyes glued to us.
This scenario has replayed itself over and over. My daughter told me she was at a storytelling event and a young Irish man was speaking. She spoke to him creating small talk, "So where are you from?" She meant where in Ireland but when he answered, "I am Dutch," she about fell over. I am sure that young man had this scenario play out as well with his parents when he was a child in Ireland.
Going local or sending your children to a school in a language that isn't your mother tongue means you will embarrass your kids with your accent and strange ways, you won't be able to help them with their homework all the time, you will misunderstand things, and they will feel at a disadvantage.
I thought we would grow out of this, but at 22 my daughter still complains that even though she is fluent and did all of her schooling in French, others tell her she isn't a "true" native speaker. Actually, she isn't a native anywhere and just has to live with comments about how her vocabulary isn't the best in every language.
Is it my fault? Am I to blame? Maybe. I sure tried to fit in everywhere, but regardless of my efforts, this happens. Even if I change passports, I will forever remain the crazy American mom; I might as well drape a flag over my shoulders. It's the life of an expat child: no matter how much you try to improve your vocabulary and be perfect, someone will make a comment. This is just something you will have to grin and bear.